Family scapegoat

[RachelT]

Hello
I believe my family is dysfunctional. I constabtly get blamed  for things I havent done and my mother  is the innocent  master mind behind it all. She envokes my siblings and thier partners to attack me.  My sister is also very horrible. When i distance myself , they judge me more and make up more stuff instead  of asking me. They all enjoy the drama thats created.
Im 35 weeks pregnant, I do not want them to meet my baby, but they insist they have a right even though they have been extremely  unsupportive.
I wish I could move away I dont want my children  growing up thinking this is what family are.

[zachira]

My heart goes out to you being the family scapegoat. I too am one of many family scapegoats. The toxic scapegoating is present in both sides of my family and in many generations. You are a loving mother and want to protect your baby after it is born from being scapegoated. You would also like your family to stop scapegoating you. The secret to all of this is setting boundaries with your family members so they can not so easily dump their uncomfortable feelings about themselves on you or your child. When you first set better boundaries with family members, they will fight you tooth and nail, yet with time you will feel better and less reactive to the bad behaviors of your family members. Do learn everything you can about healthy boundaries by examining the materials on this site, reading some of the recommended books, and keeping us posted about what is going on. There are many people on this site who are/have been in situations similar to yours, and are here to listen and support you.

[Kwamina]

Hi RachelT

Welcome to our online community and congrats on the upcoming baby

I think it's quite understandable that you would want to protect yourself and your child, given all your past experiences with your family-members. Boundaries are indeed very important as zachira points out when dealing with disordered family-members. Do you generally feel comfortable setting boundaries with people?

I am sorry your family blames you for all sorts of things. Could you give some examples of what they blame you for? In what ways do your siblings and their partners attack you?

The Board Parrot

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi RachelT, 

I want to join Kwamina and zachira in welcoming you here. 

It sounds like a difficult situation for you with your family. You have every right to protect your child and have healthiness with her. I'm very sorry how stressful things have been for you. Do you live close to all your family?

 
Wools

[Learning2Thrive]

Hi Rachel T  

I want to join zachira, Kwamina and Woolspinner in welcoming you.

Healthy boundaries are critical.  Have you read this article yet? It can really help you figure out what they are and how to use them to protect yourself, not punish your person with BPD.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundariesi

I agree with the others that you and your child are—and should always be—your first priority.

I hope you’ll continue posting, asking more questions and join in other threads. We are all like family here, helping each other heal. We’re all at different stages, but we all have something positive to offer.

  L2T