Thanksgiving Visit Fell Through

[Depression = 72% of members]

S8 is sick.  He was still throwing up this morning and has all but lost his voice so we aren't traveling.  Given kids and work,  it's  hard to drive 3 hours to visit her in the nursing home,  though off there were an emergency,  I'd make it.  Since she has been under Conservatorship, I no longer get calls from the home. 

I get the kids for a whole week after Christmas. That's the next opportunity to visit. 

Since she came under Conservatorship, I've heard nothing. 

My mom used to tell me (over 20 years ago) about adult kids whom their parents trusted but the kids ended up screwing over their parents,  taking their homes and shuffling them into nursing homes.  My ex used to tell me she knew I'd eventually cheat on her.  I never knew how to validate either of those.  My mom screwed over herself and my ex cheated on me. 

I wonder if the staff at the NH thinks I'm "one of those kids" who hardly visits.  I hung out in a nursing home when I was 12-13 because my mom worked there.  She being a single mother,  I spent many nights on a visitor's bench with rough hospital blankets.  I didn't like it,  but I liked talking to the elderly.  I saw how residents perked up when I brought my kids through. I wondered where their relatives were,  how much they visited, if at all.  Now I'm one of "those kids."

[Turkish]

S8 is sick.  He was still throwing up this morning and has all but lost his voice so we aren't traveling.  Given kids and work,  it's  hard to drive 3 hours to visit her in the nursing home,  though off there were an emergency,  I'd make it.  Since she has been under Conservatorship, I no longer get calls from the home. 

I get the kids for a whole week after Christmas. That's the next opportunity to visit. 

Since she came under Conservatorship, I've heard nothing. 

My mom used to tell me (over 20 years ago) about adult kids whom their parents trusted but the kids ended up screwing over their parents,  taking their homes and shuffling them into nursing homes.  My ex used to tell me she knew I'd eventually cheat on her.  I never knew how to validate either of those.  My mom screwed over herself and my ex cheated on me. 

I wonder if the staff at the NH thinks I'm "one of those kids" who hardly visits.  I hung out in a nursing home when I was 12-13 because my mom worked there.  She being a single mother,  I spent many nights on a visitor's bench with rough hospital blankets.  I didn't like it,  but I liked talking to the elderly.  I saw how residents perked up when I brought my kids through. I wondered where their relatives were,  how much they visited, if at all.  Now I'm one of "those kids."

[Harri]

  

It is hard isn't it?  Would you feel better if you called to check on her?  Does being under conservatorship mean they can't disclose info?

There is no way you can travel with a sick kid Turkish.  It is not good for your son (obviously) but also not good for the frail residents of the NH.

I think most importantly that you are not one of *those* kids.  Is it thinking about what others think that bothers you or is this something you feel you are doing?

[Turkish]

3 AM trip to the ER this morning.  S8 has the croup. Had trouble breathing.  He's better now after oral steroid and neubalizer.

[Harri]

How is your little guy now?  How are you?

Sorry to hear he is still so sick.

[Turkish]

He's a lot better.  His mom sounded horrible on the phone and congested. She might skip Thanksgiving at her parents.  We got home after 5AM. He never fell back asleep. I'm baking honey cornbread for breakfast.  So it was good not to travel.  No one likes a croupy kid.  And elderly and babies are at risk from the virus. 

[Harri]

And elderly and babies are at risk from the virus.

Exactly.  Plus, his immune system in compromised when sick... .

Baking huh?  Now I picture the wolf in an apron and a chef hat... . 

[GaGrl]

I hope the little one gets better fast - croup is so miserable!

We are sharing a cold virus, first I've had in several years, complete with vertigo - ugh! But my famous potato salad is made.

[Turkish]

Famous potato salad sounds great! My kids are so picky that when it was the 3 of us two years ago, they just ate Turkey breast and steamed broccoli.  I made stuffing, brussel sprouts and mashed potatoes (red, with Greek yogurt)  for myself. 

Now D6 passed out and told me she was feeling worse.  Might be a long night. 

[Harri]

How are the kids and how are you doing after the holiday?

[Turkish]

I dropped them off at The Plague House yesterday.  D6 didn't seem to have fallen victim to the croup. Mommy looked a little better.  Went into work.  This morning too. My buddy was visiting from out of state and left a message he wanted to drive here from the mountains (2.5 hrs). I'm ignoring it.  Don't feel like entertaining.  Je flies back tomorrow.  I'll cop to being a bad friend in this instance.  I do want to take the kids to his area in the summer (Puget Sound). D6 will be D7 and S will be 9. Old enough to secure good memories.  If I have the kids it will get me out of working for him.  He's a mortician and the last time I visited I helped him pick up a dead body... .just like our high school days when he was an apprentice. 

[Harri]

Just think of the childhood memories they could have watching Dad play mortician!    

I think not getting together with your friend is actually smart.  You have been around plague victims and had little sleep plus just the holiday being the holiday.  You know how we sometimes talk about self care and I say it is not always about doing fun stuff?  I think not getting together with him this time around is an instance of self-care.  Just like, say, you were having a health problem or two and went to your doctor.  Self care.  It's a good thing.   

 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hey Turkish,

I hope everyone is feeling better. Sorry to hear that you didn't get to see your mom, but hopeful that you'll be able to go in December.

Our former pastor used to help at a funeral home part time. He talked about the need of making sure his tie was always tossed over his shoulder or tucked into his shirt because he worked around dead bodies. He said you never knew what you might pick up that way. I never thought about it quite that way... .need that wide eyed emoji!

 
Wools

[Turkish]

Embalmed bodies are pretty sterile.  The last time I visited I helped pick up a solo (thankfully) drunk driver crash and his poor dog. 

For some reason you made me think of it,  but not two weeks ago,  my ex was telling the kids that you only had to think positively in order not to get sick which was why she never got sick.  Magical Thinking. I guess that backfired on her.  Now my issue is with her getting the kids into meditation (which is about her), but that's a story for another board... .

Harri: I'll tell my buddy the truth. 

[Harri]

Harri: I'll tell my buddy the truth.

I can't tell if I was clear or not.  When I said "just like, say, you were having a health problem or two and went to your doctor.  Self care.  It's a good thing." I was not saying to tell your friend you went to the docotor.  That is not my style.  Rather, I was giving another example of what good self care is... .even though it may not be something you want to do.  Like if someone does not like docs but has high blood pressure or something like that.  just like say should have read just say for example... .

Nope, remember, I don't recommend lying as a way to avoid!     

[Turkish]

 I'm sorry if I misinterpreted you.  My buddy can take it. The funny thing is that the rest of our core group don't like him, including his bother.  When I was in Portland on business last week for two days,  3.5 hours from him, he wanted to drive down.  That wouldn't have worked,  but I appreciated the offer.