Alone with people

[mssalty]

I have had a very rough 12 months emotionally suffering with some health and personal setbacks that have crushed my spirit.  I’ve tried to talk to my partner about this and it makes them uncomfortable.  In fact, they’ve told me that I need to keep my emotions in check because it’s not their fault what’s happened to me.  I agreed it wasn’t about them but said I’m trying my best to get through a very tough period and really needed their support.   

“I can’t support you if you’re going to act like that.  Besides, I’ve already done (something that required zero effort on their part.)”

I truly feel like I have nobody right now. I feel alone even when I’m near them because the one time I really needed them, they couldn’t be here for me. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Euler2718]

I wish I could help. I'm pretty alone BPD is gone, I only have work friends and a superficial family of origin. I also got to church but I can't relate to the people there well. There's certainly no one to share my tears with. So I cry alone. I do have a therapist and a bit if hope. Are your setbacks temporary, maybe? I can put up with temporary losses and setbacks much better than things that seem "endless"

[Enabler]

Hey guys,

You both sounds like you feel very alone. Relying on a person with BPD for emotional support is like trying to use a bamboo cane as a walking stick, they're not strong enough, bent and snap under any emotional strain. The thing is, for them this is not how it's supposed to be. You are supposed to be the strong one that they can rely on, their NEED is always greater.

Euler2718, it's great you have a T to talk to, this is an excellent 'safe' forum with which to express yourself. Your T can help you digest some of the stressors that are impacting your emotions and work on ways of creating a plan to move forward. Often just achieving some objectives or rationalising an event helps to lighten the load.

mssalty, do you have access to a T? If you can and you can afford it, it's an invaluable resource. I am looking forward to seeing mine tonight. Do you have any interests, clubs that you could join, even just getting out for a walk can be liberating. Being lonely whilst in company can feel almost worse than being lonely when you're actually alone. The sense of helplessness is almost magnified by the person you cannot communicate with. Being on your own, pounding the dirt and moving, maybe listening to some upbeat tunes... .the irony is "Feeling = Fact". Walk fast, walk tall, shoulders back, walk with vim and vigour... .think yourself STRONG AND POWERFUL 

You're never alone with bpdfamily     

Enabler

[Euler2718]

Im so alone. But I have to change and can only make slow progress. B4 her, I had a lot of simple relationships and u still do, but I couldn't feel my insides (vague painful loneliness but nothing solid) but now I'm wide awake and thus sucks. The T is ok for progress but not love. I know the BPD was a bad one to lean on. I thought she could do it, anyway... .

I exercise every day and it gets my negative emotions down for about 2 hours or so. Any break is appreciated.

I told the T the usual relief mode is to dive into dating (like BPD did) but it sounds anti-growth, so I'm stuck with the pain for now.