new here... hanging in there after

[VidaEarth]

i don't really know where to start... .been hanging in there with this man for 9 years. he was first diagnosed probably 15+ years ago and finally accepted it about 8 months ago.  years of self medicating, decades. in and out of hospitals for decades, some years it was nearly every other month. it's been like a pinball in the mental health system.  the using got really bad, dissociates with alcohol, 2 years ago.  in a rage he left and a week later had moved in with his sister's best friend.  long story short he moved back home a couple months later after the drugs wore off.  he moved back to her a week later when she told him she was pregnant- that was 2 years ago tomorrow. we've never stopped being in each other's lives since that night.  i take good care of myself and feel like i have a good support system, sans the therapist i just fired.  i felt so judged! it was the same therapist he and i had seen a few times together 2 years ago. i picked up with her a year ago and the past few weeks i feel like she doesn't know me. i don't feel heard. i don't feel like she knows very little about borderline and the importance of relationships. i feel like she doesn't take his disease seriously, that's he's just really sick/toxic/etc... .i needed her help as a therapist to help me understand his disease even more deeply, to support me in learning and practicing authentic expression, validation, support ... .   he just got out of the hospital again.  he's living with baby mama, helping with the baby, working part time, they're "only coparenting". he stays only because of the baby and out of fear. she has threatened me nearly each of the 6 or 7 times he's come home over the past 2 years. she threatens both of us with him never seeing his son because of me. he has broken relationships with his other older children.  his stress level is through the roof, he won't talk to anyone, quit his therapist, this powerlessness i feel to not even be able to validate him.  and i'm so tired of being judged for loving him, for wanting to be there for him and be a supportive person in his life. 

i know i can't save him. there's so much more and i just don't even know where to start.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Long_term_dad]

Welcome!

You've come to the right place.

Your situation sounds complex and difficult.  I'm surprised to read that your therapist doesn't understand BPD but since that's the case it's good you're no longer seeing her.  NO point in banging your head against that wall.

I am sure that here you will find good support from people far more knowledgeable than I. I'm a newbie and am leaving a long marriage that just got beaten to sh*t by both the ravages of BPD and my role as an enabler and co-dependent.  Relief and clarity is achievable, just contribute and be engaged here.

Welcome!