20years stuck

[M J]

I have just finished reading ‘stop walking on eggshells’ I had never heard about BPD but the title of the book drew me in. I was a bit shocked at how much I could relate to. I am feeling particularly stuck and am at what I feel is the precipice of leaving. I dread the thought of what my actions will start. I don’t fear for myself physically but don’t feel able to deal with the emotional aspect. I feel drained from so many years of walking on eggshells.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi M J and welcome! Reading Eggshells is a big first step and coming here is an even bigger one. I'm sure it will be the first of many. It certainly was for me.

A great way to get started here (besides making an intro post) is to read and post on other members' threads to get more context on your own situation.

Please share more about your relationship and the events that led you to us. What in particular do you fear will happen if you leave?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[Enabler]

Morning MJ,

I never quit know how to welcome new people to the board, is it good to be here or bad? A warm welcome to you either way and although you’re here under challenging circumstances I think it’s great you’re here and hopefully we can work together to build on your knowledge to help unravel the ball of string.

I’m sure you’ll agree, the fact that you are physically safe from harm is only of light relief when you’re being emotionally battered, however from a safety perspective that’s great to hear and certainly eliminates some complications. Many people including myself come to bpdfamily wanting to make large life changing decisions, and by all means the boards are a great forum with which to work through those decisions with learned friends who have a wealth of experience. However, since you are relatively ‘green’ to the concept of BPD and have much to learn, can I ask you to put aside the immediate desire to make large wholesale life changing decisions for a while? Why do I say this?

- gain knowledge to better equip you to make better choices
- often we are so close to a situation we cannot see the full picture, gaining distance can enhance our perspective on the situation so as to gain greater clarity
- very often we have our own role in the drama, we are fuel to their emotional fire, gaining knowledge and tools of how to starve those emotional fires can improve the relationship
- greater understanding of the dynamics of the relationship will ensure that you have a better understanding of the consequences of your choices and potential fall-out
- very often we have our own sensitivities and triggers, we have bought our own dysfunction to the relationship. Without fully understanding that we have a very high chance of making the same mistakes in future relationships.

Slow down, learn a lot, gain some perspective so that you can make excellent choices.

There are thousands of people globally here to help you on your journey. Each one of us has our own story and our own experiences. Many of us are still on our BPD journey, dealing with the weird as best we can. Share as much as you feel comfortable with, however the more you share the more insight members will have to help challenge you.

Enabler