UBPDh bombarding MIL with calls and distressing her

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, I rescheduled my T appointment today. Feeling under the weather from a cold that started yesterday and I did not want to exert more energy than I had to today. I have to work all weekend.

I did go to the`dv counselor. I spent much of that time talking to the counseling supervisor about what I am working on in therapy and why I feel that I need dv counseling in addition. She said that usually they don't take on clients who already have therapists because they don't want two therapists either overlapping with clients or telling them to do different things which could be confusing. I explained the situation with my schedule and how I am not able to see my T every week, sometimes it's three weeks in between appointments because I only have one day off and she doesn't always have an appointment. I explained also that my T works with me on the depression, stress management and the substance abuse disorder (though that is in remission, but we do relapse prevention) and that I feel that I need counseling that specifically relates to domestic abuse and the resulting trauma and effects. Not that my counselor isn't qualified to do that, but she is not specially trained to work with dv victims specifically. Also I feel that the appointments being so spread out are not beneficial to me in the way that I would like regarding recovery from the trauma. The counseling supervisor agreed, and she said that if I was seeing my T once every three weeks, that she could approve for me to come every week to the dv center. She does not want me to have to choose between the two counselors and either lose my T, with whom I have built a r/s over the last 8 years, or lose the benefit of a counselor who focuses specifically on abuse and who can "fill in the gaps"  so to speak, so I will have support every week. I feel that is what I need to make any progress in recovery and she agreed.

Did not get a chance to discuss the whole "pathway" idea in detail, but they both wholeheartedly agree that I should NOT unblock uBPDh long enough to tell him that calling his mother to tell her to call me is not going to convince me to talk to him.They both said any communication from me to him would only serve as intermittent reinforcement and would not stop him from attempting to triangulate with MIL.

I pretty much expected that. I will see my T in two weeks, now, and the dv counselor again next thursday.

I am very glad that I will get the benefit of weekly counseling. I feel like I take up much of my appointment with my T just catching her up and going over questions I have that can now be addressed in dv counseling, and I can save other things like stress management and mindfulness exercises for my T without feeling like I needed another two hours to talk to her.

Redeemed

[I Am Redeemed]

So, I rescheduled my T appointment today. Feeling under the weather from a cold that started yesterday and I did not want to exert more energy than I had to today. I have to work all weekend.

I did go to the`dv counselor. I spent much of that time talking to the counseling supervisor about what I am working on in therapy and why I feel that I need dv counseling in addition. She said that usually they don't take on clients who already have therapists because they don't want two therapists either overlapping with clients or telling them to do different things which could be confusing. I explained the situation with my schedule and how I am not able to see my T every week, sometimes it's three weeks in between appointments because I only have one day off and she doesn't always have an appointment. I explained also that my T works with me on the depression, stress management and the substance abuse disorder (though that is in remission, but we do relapse prevention) and that I feel that I need counseling that specifically relates to domestic abuse and the resulting trauma and effects. Not that my counselor isn't qualified to do that, but she is not specially trained to work with dv victims specifically. Also I feel that the appointments being so spread out are not beneficial to me in the way that I would like regarding recovery from the trauma. The counseling supervisor agreed, and she said that if I was seeing my T once every three weeks, that she could approve for me to come every week to the dv center. She does not want me to have to choose between the two counselors and either lose my T, with whom I have built a r/s over the last 8 years, or lose the benefit of a counselor who focuses specifically on abuse and who can "fill in the gaps"  so to speak, so I will have support every week. I feel that is what I need to make any progress in recovery and she agreed.

Did not get a chance to discuss the whole "pathway" idea in detail, but they both wholeheartedly agree that I should NOT unblock uBPDh long enough to tell him that calling his mother to tell her to call me is not going to convince me to talk to him.They both said any communication from me to him would only serve as intermittent reinforcement and would not stop him from attempting to triangulate with MIL.

I pretty much expected that. I will see my T in two weeks, now, and the dv counselor again next thursday.

I am very glad that I will get the benefit of weekly counseling. I feel like I take up much of my appointment with my T just catching her up and going over questions I have that can now be addressed in dv counseling, and I can save other things like stress management and mindfulness exercises for my T without feeling like I needed another two hours to talk to her.

Redeemed

[Cat Familiar]

Awesome, Redeemed! That is perfect! You addressed the situation really well and you will be able to utilize your counseling time to get the maximum benefits. 

[empath]

Redeemed, that sounds great with the dv counseling between your normal therapy. Having the support of someone who is specifically trained is important right now.

[formflier]

Solids work IAR

There is no rush on the "pathway" thing.  And... remember.  They are the experts.  Especially about things like intermittent reinforcement... etc etc.

I would like you to chat with them about the pathway... .  It is likely they will tell you that for YOU to tell him is a bad idea... .but the point is they will explain why... so you can be solid and sure.  It may be that they don't think anyone should explain it to him... and again... .they will explain why.

Also would like you to discuss signing releases so you two Ts can talk to each other.  The concern about overlapping Ts is a valid one.  That they are focused on different subjects is good... that a supervisor is involved is good.

For them to be able to touch base with each other is good as well.

The critical thing is YOU are driving this and pushing for what you need.  They seem to be responding.  That's good news!

FF

[I Am Redeemed]

I signed a release so the counselors can communicate.

I was worried when they told me that I can't do both, but I am glad that the counseling supervisor was willing to listen and understand why I feel that I need both.

If I could see my T every week, it would be different, but that isn't a possibility. Also, I originally began seeing my T for the dual diagnosis of MDD and substance abuse disorder... .before the uBPDh r/s. The experience and effects of that r/s eventually hijacked my therapy, so that my issues no longer became the focus. The trauma and abuse became the focus, and I would like to separate that and delegate it to the dv counselor so I can do maintenance therapy for the dual diagnosis stuff with my T.

It's easy to forget about my disorders when they are in remission. (I do have some moderate depression but it is situational, not like the disparaging low state of the major depression I used to have).

Symptoms can sneak up on you, especially with the substance use disorder. Many people think that the disorder is just a problem with drugs or alcohol. The reality is that there are thought and behavior patterns associated with the disorder that still present even when the active user drinking has stopped. Obsessive compulsive behavior is one of the symptoms, as is rationalizing irrational thoughts or behavior. Also the sense of not being good enough, and the recurring deceptive thoughts of being able to use or drink with control... .just this once, it won't get out of hand this time, etc.

Very important, especially under stress, to not let my guard down on that disorder, remission or not.

Redeemed

[Harley Quinn]

This thread has reached it's maximum size limit and is now locked.  Please go ahead and begin a new topic to continue the discussion.  Thanks everyone for your participation.