I don’t know how to talk with him

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am in a 2yr + relationship with a man who has a severe case of BPD. I don’t know how to talk with him where he isn’t attacking me for something HE thinks I did wrong or said wrong.
I now have come to the realization that I need to
Recognize his illness and not look beyond it. I thought it w helpful and loving not to label him like that. Well I was going about it all wrong.
How can I address this, he thinks my thoughts
For me.
He tells me what I’m thinking and no matter what I say or try and tell him different he insists on what he says is exactly what I’m thinking.
Also he is very verbally abusive. I am sensitive as well. If he doesn’t admit when he is wrong and apologize things get out
of hand.
I would love to make this work.
I just don’t know how.

[N1C]

I am in a 2yr + relationship with a man who has a severe case of BPD. I don’t know how to talk with him where he isn’t attacking me for something HE thinks I did wrong or said wrong.
I now have come to the realization that I need to
Recognize his illness and not look beyond it. I thought it w helpful and loving not to label him like that. Well I was going about it all wrong.
How can I address this, he thinks my thoughts
For me.
He tells me what I’m thinking and no matter what I say or try and tell him different he insists on what he says is exactly what I’m thinking.
Also he is very verbally abusive. I am sensitive as well. If he doesn’t admit when he is wrong and apologize things get out
of hand.
I would love to make this work.
I just don’t know how.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi.  I am glad you found us.  You are not alone as you will see when you start reading more posts. 

It is hard when people engage in mind reading, or think they can and then make accusations based on false conclusions.  This is probably a defense mechanism he is using, not that it makes it okay but sometimes knowing what is going on allows us to put the behaviors in context and not take them so personally which allows us to respond in more healthy ways.
We have tools and strategies you can use, that with practice and over time, can help make things easier for you.

How did you find out about BPD?  What other types of things does he do that makes you think he has it?

[Radcliff]

I'm sorry for the tough situation you are facing.  These relationships can be painful.  Being told what you are thinking can be particularly disturbing and invalidating, especially when it is a consistent pattern.

Can you please give us some more detail about what you mean when you say, "things get out of hand?"

RC