first physical abuse; will it escalate?

[Puffed Wheat]

My borderline sibling has gone from verbal abuse to impulsive physical harm. I have cut off all communication. She only abuses me. other family members don't understand.  wondering how others deal with this.  

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Puffed Wheat! 

Welcome to our online family. You are not alone as you will find out from reading the stories of others here. You will find a lot of understanding and support that you won't typically find elsewhere from our members here. Those around us often don't get it because a pwBPD won't play their cards for everyone to see. People outside of my family can hardly fathom that my uBPDm was so extremely abusive to my siblings and I when we were growing up. They all thought she was an exemplary woman, wife and mother. Little did they know.

Can you tell me a little more about what type of physical abuse is going on? Do you live in the same house? Do you see a pattern around it such as what types of things are triggering it? Do you feel as if you are in danger from your sibling?

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

 
Wools

[Puffed Wheat]

Thank you for your reply Wools.  I thankfully do not live with my sibling . We cannot spend more than an afternoon together without some kind of drama.  This is the first time she has put her hands on me and the event was a sudden "Hair Pulling" after she misunderstood something I said. It was during our moms funeral 3 months ago. I know her actions had little to do with me and much to do with her own demons but I am concerned that violence might accelerate if we continue to interact  together. I don't feel in danger and I am used to the verbal attacks which have been on-going for years, but I am not sure how to handle physical attacks.  I have separated myself from her for the time being and decided to give myself some needed rest from all her drama. Any thoughts on what to do if this happens again? I am afraid I may have to file assault charges on her if she touches me again. I know that won't help her.

[JNChell]

Hi, Puffed Wheat. Welcome to bpdfamily. Wools has some really good questions for you. pw ( people with) personality disorders commonly dysregulate during dramatic changes such as a death in the family. This may have triggered many things in her. One of those things may have been an extctinction burst on a very high level. Regardless of how your sister is feeling, it’s not ok for her to abuse you. You’ve stated that you’re use to her verbal abuse and that the physical abuse is new.

Abuse is abuse. You obviously care about your sister. What are you hoping to accomplish between you and her and how can we help you?

[zachira]

One of the biggest challenges with having a close relative with BPD, is they don't act the same with everybody, and they have a way of making you the bad guy. Of course, you do not want contact with your sister if she is physically abusing you. Know that some people will believe your story, and others will not be able to handle what you are telling them. Sometimes, people cannot be compassionate when they hear about abuse, because they are in denial about being abused or having abused others, and/or being compassionate in general is a personal challenge for them. Your feelings are your feelings, and are meant to be heard and validated, as a part of the healing and going forward with your life. Reach out any time to let us know how you are doing. We are here to listen and support you in any way we can.

[Puffed Wheat]

not sure what extinction bursts are.

[Harri]

Hi Puffed Wheat.

An extinction burst is when a person tries harder to get what they want (attention for example) by escalating the threats, violence, destruction, verbal abuse, etc.

This can happen after we set boundaries and stop reinforcing the persons behaviors.  They will do what they can to try to get things back to the way they were.

This is the point where it is critical to stick to your boundary as intermittent enforcement of a behavior can actually strengthen it.  So if your boundary is that you will not accept threats and you enforce this by leaving the room after saying you will return when things have calmed down, you need to do this every time threats are made.   

Make sense?

[JNChell]

Hey, Puffed Wheat. Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Let us know when you can.