It is my understanding that the pw/BPD must always have a person to color/split black, and into this person, and upon this person, who is usually one of the pw/BPD’s closest... .
I can relate with your angry feelings there’s a lot of resentment that can build up in these r/s’s and when you’re split black and the pwBPD is avoidant it doesn’t give you a chance to validate your feelings.
You can’t talk to them, you can’t share why you feel hurt by their actions . I’d like to echo
Tsultan read as much as you can about the disorder it is a part of the healing process to properly put the r/s into its respective and to be able to move forward without this affecting your day to day activities and r/s’s with others.
You didn’t mention if you got closure from your pwBPD could that be a partial reason why you’re angry? How did it end? Some experts say that BPD is a shamed based disorder,you eventually become a trigger to the pwBPD the terrible breaksups is a reminder to them of how dysfunctional their behaviours are and in order to avoid feeling shame they’ll avoid you.
Another way that you could look at it pwBPD split those black that they cared about most, the closeness in a r/s triggers the disorder you have to separate yourself from your expwBPD’s actions, it’s personal to you, the disorder is the cause not from an action or inaction on your part.
At times I could do or say nothing right no matter how understanding or supportive I was.
I mentioned resentment earlier and this is something that probably a lot of us can relate to.
Ill share something real quick I remember one week in particular and a lot of the r/s felt like this she would pick a fight during that week and I had no clue what the reason was for that fight then she’d pick a second and third fight so we had all of this conflict going on st the same time, distractions from the underlying problem and out of nowhere that week it was like she was floating on air with how she declaring her undying love for me, I was angry because of all of the conflict that week and I was resentful when I split white.
B’ack and white thinking, dichotomous thinking is a core criterion for the disorder it’s not synonymous with, depressives have black and white thinking from their depression but a pwBPD can see you one way at any given time they can’t see the grey areas you’re either all good or all bad.
It’s ok to be angry it helps people with detaching from unhealthy r/s’s.
