Hi Begonia and welcome to BPD Family.
Though I'm very sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, I'm glad you found us and that you are reaching out for support for yourself. You are definitely not alone in feeling isolated, anxious, and alone. Many parents here will relate with what you've shared and we are all here supporting each other.
It must be very painful to hear of things your daughter has told others. It makes sense that you'd feel anxious about contact with family members, as well as sadness as a result of having withdrawn yourself from them.
As you look around the site, you'll find many many resources for healing, learning, and information. Here's a good place to start:
How to get the most out of this siteYou've found a very supportive, caring, and non-judgmental place on the internet. I hope you settle in and become part of the community here, we get it and we are here for each other as we learn and grow together.
What led to no-contact with your daughter 18 months ago?
~ OH