Adult child

[Drainedandexhaus]

I have an adult foster child... .for lack of a better term... .who was recently diagnosed with BPD. I say a foster child but she was never legally in our care nor was she ever legally adopted. She has simply always been a part of our life and we have cared for her as a daughter. She did have an extremely neglectful, abusive childhood and our family tried to provide respite for her. Now, at age 22, she is suffering the consequences of that childhood and we are suffering the fallout from the BPD. I am simply looking to hear from others who are likewise trying to deal with a similar situation. She had been living in another state where her father lived and moved to our state to be near us about a year-and-a-half ago. For the first year she lived here full time. In the past half-year she's been in and out. she finally has her own place locally although she stops by here often because she is lonely.  Her anger is focused on me, and is getting more difficult to withstand, probably because of the length of time she's been here and the intensity of our relationship. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to deal with that I would appreciate hearing them. We having been encouraging her to get into therapy, but she seems to be dragging her feet

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi Drainedandexhausted and

While I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, I'm glad you found us and have reached out for support. I can only imagine the heartache of being the target of your daughter's anger despite being the loving parent you have been, offering respite from an abusive, neglectful childhood, loving and caring for her as your own child.

We have lots of stuff to read here, different tools that help us navigate these emotionally intense relationships. A good place to start here is by taking a look at the post pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE It's got some of our best articles laid out in an easy format.

Reading and learning all you can about BPD is the first thing I recommend, along with continuing to post here - having a support group is critical and can help you feel less alone. We all need a safe place to talk openly about our feelings and BPD Family is such a place. You are not alone, we get it as nobody else can.

What are the behaviors you find most challenging in your daughter, Drainedandexhausted?

I've gotten some great, practical advise here in dealing with my BPD daughter, and things are slowly improving. It helps to get a broad picture of the behavior so we know how to best support you. Are you finding time for things you enjoy? Taking care of ourselves is priority one 

Again, welcome!

~ OH

[Harri]

Hi and welcome. 

As you read here and settle in you will see that you are not alone.  We have many parents/caretakers whoa re in similar situations and struggles. 

You said she is angry with you.  How does she express that? 

I hope we hear more from you.