Who would you have chosen as a mother or father ?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

As a child I was convinced I was adopted, because the triangulation was so obvious, it was the only explanation available a the time.  So I chose Shirley Williams as an adoptive mother, as she was everything my BPD wasn’t. She was a level headed very warm, Liberal Politician. She was persuasive, assertive (without any aggression) and extremely reasonable. 

Who would you have chosen ?

[HappyChappy]

As a child I was convinced I was adopted, because the triangulation was so obvious, it was the only explanation available a the time.  So I chose Shirley Williams as an adoptive mother, as she was everything my BPD wasn’t. She was a level headed very warm, Liberal Politician. She was persuasive, assertive (without any aggression) and extremely reasonable. 

Who would you have chosen ?

[Harri]

Hmmm, I am not sure I have someone I would have chosen.  I remember I used to think I was adopted too!  heh  I also used to spend time wondering which parent, my mom or dad, did I want to survive some accident so they would take care of me.  My answer was neither but if I had to choose, I would have take my disordered mother over my father.  At least she acted with conviction and belief... my father was a useless dishrag. 

[smokyquartz]

I also had adoption fantasies.

I don’t think I had a specific idea of who I wanted to be adopted by, but I remember feeling that way.

[sklamath]

I had an aunt (through marriage, and sadly I am no longer in contact with her following her divorce from my uncle) who always had a more positive outlook on life than my own parents. I was careful to never vent to her about my parents, but I was able to talk with her openly on everything else, from dating and sexuality to religion and higher education. I never had adoption fantasies, but she was more parental to me during my late teens/early 20s when I needed some healthy adults in my life and my own parents were unreliable or withholding love.

I remember a specific incident when I was spending time with her family and running late to meet my parents. She said, “It’s really going to be OK. Apologize *once* to your mom, do not grovel.” I didn’t ask her to elaborate, but I was so curious why she would advise me to do that. In hindsight, mom’s thought patterns and hyper-emotional reactions were more visible to extended family and friends—at least those who knew what dysfunction looked like—than I realized.