Son is coming around FINALLY

[Depression = 72% of members]

Notwendy Harri Panda39 JNChell Kwamina Zachira No One Once removed if I missed anyone I’m extremely sorry. I’m exhausted

BUT A GOOD EXHAUSTED LOL!

My son came and spent the weekend with his daughter and we had a long long talk. At one point my GD said I want to see (his wife name) and my son said “sorry mama you can’t see her” and my GD dropped it right there didn’t ask why nothing. I said but it’s great spending time with daddy right? She said yes and looked at him and said as she giggled I love you daddy! He hugged her really tight and said I love you too.

She then pointed to a picture of her and my son. Daddy that’s me and that’s you and he smiled really big and said yes it is and that was a long time ago huh? He bend down on his knees hugged her again and said “you do know daddy loves you very much” she giggled and put her hands on either side of his face and said “I love you too daddy” and they hugged. I had to step away, because I started crying. It was a happy cry of course, but this weekend was full of emotions.

My son when he first saw his just looked at her and said “hey” they haven’t seen each since Christmas Eve. My daughter is 17 and she doesn’t get real emotional unless it’s something serious. She started to get emotional and walked out of the room. I turned to my son and said “you need to go in there huh your sister she just left out of here crying.” It was weird because he has not ever done that before except at his wedding when he was in front of his wife.

It hurt her so bad she left and went to go get her boyfriend, because she wanted her brother to meet him. She has a total break down and truly believed that her brother didn’t love her anymore. I had another long talk with him about his sister and all of us. It was like he couldn’t understand why was it so important for him to show he loved us what made him so important. I told him son because we love you and we miss you and you haven’t been around for months.

We are your family and we want a relationship with you like we had. Don’t you understand how much you have changed towards us. We truly don’t think you love us or even care about any of us. He said that was not true at all that he loved all of us and was really sorry that he made us feel that way. Then I said you don’t communicate with any of us. We never say anything to you about because we are terrified if we do we’ll never see you again. He said No I will come back and I’m going to start coming over more. I promise. So I said okay I really hope so, because quite frankly son sometimes people stop trying because the rejection is too painful.

So he said he need his sisters number and I guess with just the talk got through to him. Because he called his sister told her “hey just wanted to let you know I was leaving and I’m definitely coming back and I do love you very much kid and she said she loved him too very much. Her boyfriend said she started crying again and said it’s been so long since he said those words to me and to be the first one to say them.

He and I made plans for next weekend already and he said he’ll definitely be back. So prayers are being answered Praise the LORD!

Sorry so long BUT I HAD TO SHARE SUCH GOOD STUFF WITH YOU ALL

[Mickey47]

Notwendy Harri Panda39 JNChell Kwamina Zachira No One Once removed if I missed anyone I’m extremely sorry. I’m exhausted

BUT A GOOD EXHAUSTED LOL!

My son came and spent the weekend with his daughter and we had a long long talk. At one point my GD said I want to see (his wife name) and my son said “sorry mama you can’t see her” and my GD dropped it right there didn’t ask why nothing. I said but it’s great spending time with daddy right? She said yes and looked at him and said as she giggled I love you daddy! He hugged her really tight and said I love you too.

She then pointed to a picture of her and my son. Daddy that’s me and that’s you and he smiled really big and said yes it is and that was a long time ago huh? He bend down on his knees hugged her again and said “you do know daddy loves you very much” she giggled and put her hands on either side of his face and said “I love you too daddy” and they hugged. I had to step away, because I started crying. It was a happy cry of course, but this weekend was full of emotions.

My son when he first saw his just looked at her and said “hey” they haven’t seen each since Christmas Eve. My daughter is 17 and she doesn’t get real emotional unless it’s something serious. She started to get emotional and walked out of the room. I turned to my son and said “you need to go in there huh your sister she just left out of here crying.” It was weird because he has not ever done that before except at his wedding when he was in front of his wife.

It hurt her so bad she left and went to go get her boyfriend, because she wanted her brother to meet him. She has a total break down and truly believed that her brother didn’t love her anymore. I had another long talk with him about his sister and all of us. It was like he couldn’t understand why was it so important for him to show he loved us what made him so important. I told him son because we love you and we miss you and you haven’t been around for months.

We are your family and we want a relationship with you like we had. Don’t you understand how much you have changed towards us. We truly don’t think you love us or even care about any of us. He said that was not true at all that he loved all of us and was really sorry that he made us feel that way. Then I said you don’t communicate with any of us. We never say anything to you about because we are terrified if we do we’ll never see you again. He said No I will come back and I’m going to start coming over more. I promise. So I said okay I really hope so, because quite frankly son sometimes people stop trying because the rejection is too painful.

So he said he need his sisters number and I guess with just the talk got through to him. Because he called his sister told her “hey just wanted to let you know I was leaving and I’m definitely coming back and I do love you very much kid and she said she loved him too very much. Her boyfriend said she started crying again and said it’s been so long since he said those words to me and to be the first one to say them.

He and I made plans for next weekend already and he said he’ll definitely be back. So prayers are being answered Praise the LORD!

Sorry so long BUT I HAD TO SHARE SUCH GOOD STUFF WITH YOU ALL

[zachira]

Thank you for sharing the good stuff with us. This is what makes being here so rewarding. It also helps others to see the steps you are taking to help get your family back on track. There are many lurkers on these Boards who never post so you have many people who are silently supporting you and learning from you.
I admire how you keep reinforcing how much you love your family. What a difference you are making in the lives of your son, daughter, granddaughter and other family members!

[Skip]

Progress!

[No-One]

Mickey47:
Thanks for sharing the good news    I'm so glad that you son is taking steps to get reacquainted with you and other family members.  It may still be a bumpy road, but a road worth traveling.

We look forward to future updates.

[JNChell]

Hi, M47. A lot has transpired and I’ve been following. Having time to post is limited. In it's own way, the latest developments have been on the positive side of moving forward. I’m glad that you’re feeling relief.

It’s great that your son is spending time with all of you, namely his daughter. Be mindful to give him his space if he’s coming around. I know that you’re elated, but keep things normal for him. He’s taking a break from an emotionally charged situation. He needs space to level out and think. Be inviting and open. Be the mom that you were when he was a teen. He’ll need his space, but he will come to his mom when he needs to. You’re doing great!

Try not to put pressure on him about his sister. He’s dealing with his BPD wife at the moment. These things are a process. Let him process his wife with your support. He’s delicate right now. Pressure from another direction may cause him to retract back into the same old situation. Step back and let things play out. Does that make sense?

Your heart is in a good place, M47. Things are moving in a positive direction. Let them. 

[Mickey47]

Thank you all for your support and I will definitely keep you updated. Yes JNChell I completely understand what you’re saying and I agree. I was very careful and I know he’ll be back because he was very adamant about me and his sister understanding that he’d definitely be back. So that was very reassuring, but ya you are right I’m not going to push or pressure. I’m just letting things develop the way there suppose to.

I am very happy and excited, but I’m not going to get overly excited because I always get disappointed. So I’m trying really hard not to get too excited. Also his best friend was thrilled that he came on his own.

What we did discuss my son and I did make me realize quite a bit. He has been protecting his daughter and she is really doing a number on him psychologically. I didn’t realize how much till this weekend.

Thanks again y’all! Here’s hoping for more good updates

[Pilpel]

Mickey47, I haven't been on this message board as regularly as I used to be.  I had to skim through your past posts to get an idea of what is going on.  My heart is warmed by your story.  As someone who has a brother who married a woman who is NPD, I know how it feels to be estranged from my brother  --even when we see each other several times a year!  I'm so glad to hear that your son has started to wake up to what he got himself into, and that he's starting to see the love his family has for him.  I wish your family all the best!

[Notwendy]

It's certainly good news that he is waking up to his situation and making effort to see his daughter. Seems like the friend staying with them was a source of "reality" for him. It's easy to slip into adopting the pwBPD mindset- their reality- in a romantic relationship as a way to alleviate the conflict in the moment. It is harder to do that when there's another person who has boundaries and can see the disorder with more clarity in the house.

It's a process for him and I agree with the suggestions to be supportive and allow him to process all this.

[Panda39]

Good news!  For him and for all of you.

Panda39

[Mickey47]

Thank you all so very much!

I know it’s a process and I know there could be a relapse, but I’m hopeful about things now. Where as before it was dragging me down big time. Even though I tried to stay busy and just enjoy my life in general the situation is always in my mind. When you’re cut off from one of your children it’s like having a piece of your heart ripped out of your chest.

I actually slept through the night without bad dreams waking me up. I haven’t done that in months! I usually average 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep a night. I have to be up at 6 am to get ready for work. I usually don’t fall asleep till way after 1 maybe 2 in the morning. So it was nice to sleep felt good.

I’ll keep y’all updated have a wonderful day or night!

[Mickey47]

Another great weekend

So my son came again this weekend to see us and spend time with his daughter. He was going outside on the front porch to play bubbles with his daughter and I thought I’d stay back in the house and let them have their time together. My son turned to me and said “hey mom aren’t you coming”  and I said “well okay if you want me to” he said “well yeah come on” so we were outside playing with the bubbles. Then ran out of bubbles and I said “hmm wonder if we can make our own” so we went back in and I found it online he mixed it up and bingo we had more bubbles! LOL!

We played Jenga and then made stuff with the blocks it was great. He spent every single moment with his daughter and me. Like I said I was going to let them alone, but he wanted me there too. So we all had a blast. Then my GD asked her daddy yet again “daddy can we go to you home” he again said “no baby not yet, but maybe our next weekend together we’ll have to see. Of course it was time for her to go back home so he was going to head home himself.

She started to get upset and he bent down and said “we will be together again really soon the next weekend your here at Nannies I’ll come over and we’ll be together just like we have been.” She smiled a huge smile and said “okay daddy” he actually fell ill Friday night he was really sick so he was leaving to go home and rest some more before having to go to work. I was in the laundry room checking on it. When he said well mom I’m going to head home and so I said okay and started walking towards him. He said “I’ll be back next weekend too and then the weekend after that I’ll be here too.”

I said oh okay sounds great then we went to say goodbye to his dad in the work shop out back. His dad hugged him said it was great to see him again. Then he hugged his daughter again and me we said we all loved him and enjoyed spending time with him and to drive carefully and to feel better.

Not once did he mention his wife never talked about her not once. Keeps telling his daughter no about going to his home, but maybe next time she can we’ll see. We are just letting him know we love him dearly and are always here. We aren’t pushing or anything just let him come to us when his ready to.

[Harri]

We aren’t pushing or anything just let him come to us when his ready to.

Such great news and what a turn around.  Not pushing him must be hard but maybe it is getting easier as you see what you have been doing working so well?  I hope so.