Just starting to realized my mom has BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I stopped talking to my dad 17 years ago when they divorced and always chalked up her lack of confidence and empathy to her abusive past with him. Now that I have my own child, she hasn’t been supporting me. She lives an hour away but goes weeks without coming to see us. She sees helping me with childcare as a chore and not something she looks forward to doing. She prefers going to parties so she can get complimented on her looks. She tells me she’s not a loser and has a “life” so that’s why she’s not available to help me. Meanwhile I’ve been taking care of her since the divorce, even when she left me at 17 to get remarried in a different state because she was afraid of being alone. Then I had to move to rescue her from her second abusive marriage. She didn’t even know where I lived in collage and she was only an hour away. I always had to drive to her and now I my priority is my child, she is so upset and tried to guilt me all the time.

[Dazed1984]

I stopped talking to my dad 17 years ago when they divorced and always chalked up her lack of confidence and empathy to her abusive past with him. Now that I have my own child, she hasn’t been supporting me. She lives an hour away but goes weeks without coming to see us. She sees helping me with childcare as a chore and not something she looks forward to doing. She prefers going to parties so she can get complimented on her looks. She tells me she’s not a loser and has a “life” so that’s why she’s not available to help me. Meanwhile I’ve been taking care of her since the divorce, even when she left me at 17 to get remarried in a different state because she was afraid of being alone. Then I had to move to rescue her from her second abusive marriage. She didn’t even know where I lived in collage and she was only an hour away. I always had to drive to her and now I my priority is my child, she is so upset and tried to guilt me all the time.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.  I am so sorry that things are difficult and your mom is not supporting you.  It seems especially hurtful after having taken care of her for so long. 

What does she do or say to indicate she is upset that your priority is your child? 

[HappyChappy]

I’m so sorry your mom isn’t helping at a time all mothers need help. Mine didn’t either, its not personal. By understanding your mothers condition better it will help accepting in all. Someone with BPD wants narcissistic supply, so when your mum can’t get it elsewhere she may swing by more often. Not that that helps you right now. Do you have support from anyone else ? What aspects of all this are you struggling with most ? Welcome to the site, by the way.