I’ve been an avid reader of these pages for a while now, and I recently started jotting down a few quotes from other posters that I’ve found helpful.
Here’s what I’ve got in my notebook at the moment. They are mostly taken from posts by Wicker Man except the first, from Skip. Together they seem to make some sense of what I’ve experienced. I hope these posters don’t mind me quoting them in this way, and the way I’ve arranged them together. I just found this sequence of thoughts helpful and maybe others might too.
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(Quotes ... )
The hardest thing about people with BPD traits is understanding that they are not two people (dream come true, relationship from hell), but rather one consistent person (emotionally impulsive, significantly over-emotes feelings).
BPD is a personality disorder which is shame based. They are in daily pain and this pain can cause erratic and painful actions on their part ... she may have felt crushing shame once she was done with her impulsive actions. I have read often they feel pain, so they will do something as a quick fix which is all too frequently dysfunctional (bad). This quick fix makes them feel better in the moment, but then creates more of the shame they were hoping to alleviate.
They have feelings - too many feelings. They treated us badly not out of sadism, but because of desperately bad coping mechanisms.
From my observation and readings they do have empathy, but may not be able to show it. Further, they by and large do not have the ability to accept accountability for their actions - it is simply too much for an already overloaded psyche.
You noticed her new identity. This shift in identity is evidence of the incredible inner torment she feels - it is not a reinvention, but a collapse of her previous self image.
I have read so often people here believe their ex partners moved on and are happy - check your premise! It is my feeling they moved on out of desperation into a new desperate and dysfunctional relationship. They moved on not out of strength, but out of soul crushing weakness. They look happy? Perhaps this paper thin smile is to cover up their searing pain. They laugh to keep from crying.
She did not replace you - as a unique and valuable human being you are not replaceable.
I'd not seen these before, but they feel very relevant to my situation, and provide an element of comfort - thank you for sharing
