Walking away when "the past" showed up

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So...I'm about to go to sleep.  Likely should have just went to bed early and not tried anything with my wife.

She gets home and we snuggle for a while..I wasn't feeling up to going out so I suggested we order some grubhub and use the wait time to get busy in the bed.  She agreed.

Order was done..I'm making my move (we are naked) and she wants to discuss a horse show tomorrow...that I've  never heard about before.

I ask if it can wait...nope

She explains that my daughter with the natural horsemanship degree can't go because she doesn't want to look bad if the horse misbehaves...  I decline to solve that.

She says D13 really wants to go.   Not enough to talk earlier I muse.

She wanted a decision so I said no horse show.  If there is a worry about horse behavior both daughters to to barn tomorrow and work the horse, just like at the show.  That way they won't worry about "looks".

Somehow...this stirred my wife up more.

"The real problem is.."  (why wasn't this brought up at the start?)  That they are worried that the horse is having constant heats again and it doesn't matter how much they work with it...it will keep misbehaving.

my answer "Ok..so it's hopeless...nothing we do will matter, no need to further discuss it."

Then..she pops off.  "I've wanted to have sex tons of times before and didn't get mad at you when it didn't happen."  (I wasn't mad...I was frustrated that a non solvable problem "was the real problem")

So...I took my que from the past showing up (all those other times she didn't get mad) to go take a bath and get ready for bed.  I pretty much figured there was little I could say that would benefit our relationship...so..hush and go to bed.

I got done...grubhub showed up.  She got up and got dressed and last I saw was ignoring the grub hub.

I'm pushing post and going to try to sleep.  I really should have skipped trying to put any effort into this tonight..

FF

[formflier]

So...I'm about to go to sleep.  Likely should have just went to bed early and not tried anything with my wife.

She gets home and we snuggle for a while..I wasn't feeling up to going out so I suggested we order some grubhub and use the wait time to get busy in the bed.  She agreed.

Order was done..I'm making my move (we are naked) and she wants to discuss a horse show tomorrow...that I've  never heard about before.

I ask if it can wait...nope

She explains that my daughter with the natural horsemanship degree can't go because she doesn't want to look bad if the horse misbehaves...  I decline to solve that.

She says D13 really wants to go.   Not enough to talk earlier I muse.

She wanted a decision so I said no horse show.  If there is a worry about horse behavior both daughters to to barn tomorrow and work the horse, just like at the show.  That way they won't worry about "looks".

Somehow...this stirred my wife up more.

"The real problem is.."  (why wasn't this brought up at the start?)  That they are worried that the horse is having constant heats again and it doesn't matter how much they work with it...it will keep misbehaving.

my answer "Ok..so it's hopeless...nothing we do will matter, no need to further discuss it."

Then..she pops off.  "I've wanted to have sex tons of times before and didn't get mad at you when it didn't happen."  (I wasn't mad...I was frustrated that a non solvable problem "was the real problem")

So...I took my que from the past showing up (all those other times she didn't get mad) to go take a bath and get ready for bed.  I pretty much figured there was little I could say that would benefit our relationship...so..hush and go to bed.

I got done...grubhub showed up.  She got up and got dressed and last I saw was ignoring the grub hub.

I'm pushing post and going to try to sleep.  I really should have skipped trying to put any effort into this tonight..

FF

[Cat Familiar]

Regarding the horse, did I ever mention raspberry leaf and chaste tree berry powder? (Available at health food stores or online--much cheaper in bulk) and are the main ingredients in lots of "mare remedy" supplements. Chaste tree berry is also helpful for Cushingoid horses.

I've used those herbs with difficult mares and after a few weeks, there are almost zero behavioral signs of heats. With my current mare, the only hint is that she will give my gelding dirty looks.

OK, so the mare problem is a metaphor? 

You kinda got blindsided there.