What is the line?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

At what point do you say, "Please send all communications to my attorney?"

[MeandThee29]

At what point do you say, "Please send all communications to my attorney?"

[livednlearned]

What is happening?

If her communication wrath is impacting you to the point you cannot heal, then give yourself permission to set a limit. You get to decide when enough is enough.

You can also try some behavior modification.

During the early days of my high conflict divorce, I forwarded ex's emails to a friend who read them and then emailed me a one-line summary of what, if anything, I needed to respond to. Just seeing an email from ex gave me heart palpitations.

Over time, as I healed, it got easier to read the emails myself. I only responded when there was something reasonable. That was roughly 5 percent of what he sent. Most of it I ignored.

You could forward emails to your attorney, although that will cost money.

Or, you could forward for a short period until you start to recognize what your L says requires a response.

It is surprising how much you do not actually have to respond to 

[MeandThee29]

If her communication wrath is impacting you to the point you cannot heal, then give yourself permission to set a limit. You get to decide when enough is enough.

I only responded when there was something reasonable. That was roughly 5 percent of what he sent. Most of it I ignored.

This morning a friend said to push the things that really bother me emotionally and/or wouldn't fly with a judge off to the lawyer. Pretty much what you said.

My lawyer was skeptical that one-on-one negotiation was going to work on everything.

[livednlearned]

Blamers are not usually good at negotiation and other forms of compromise.

That's a direct quote from Bill Eddy's book, Splitting.

Giving in and compromising can feel like abandonment or inferiority.

On our side of things, making large concessions does not lead to long-term peace.

I found a mixture of setting an unreachable goal on the table helped because then it gave me some room to whittle things down to halfway, which looked like a concession when it was in fact my (reasonable) goal. That allowed my ex to feel like he was winning.

The person who actually taught me that was my ex, a former trial attorney  

He did not practice his own advice, thankfully!