The girlfriend from hell

[nevergupmom]

I just started posting yesterday.  My BPD/Dual Diagnosis son has been off drugs for a number of months.  While driving him to therapy/psyc today I caught wind of the fact that she's back- the girl friend that has made our last year more hellish than he alone ever could.  She came on to the scene a year ago April and by May he was arrested having assulted his younger brother (while binging on drugs)  dislocating his shoulder and distroying property in our home.  Since then he has been out of our house (thank God for that)/  Their relationship was so toxic, volitile and full of retailiation.  They broke up in Jan when in a Meth Psychosis he had to be Baker acted.   He vowed never to see her again.  She cyber stalked him,  ruined several opportunities he had for housing and tormented him that she would have him arrested for threatening her.   Enough said, she must have manipulated her way back into his crazy world, and he failed a drug test at the psychastrist today, no surprised there.  I'm trying not to be upset, I know he can't help himself,  he says she has changed.  I'm again grieving, feeling the progress he made was in vain.  I know God has a plan for my son, I'm asking that any hinderance this girl friend puts in the way of his recovery be removed.  I don't know what my role is from here on in.  I don't want to escalate the situation.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

I'm trying not to be upset

It's ok to feel upset - it's a feeling and feelings are what they are. When I try to not feel a certain way, I'm just stuffing it down. My feelings never stay stuffed, though. When I give myself permission to feel what I'm feeling, my life is better.

I don't know what my role is from here on in.  I don't want to escalate the situation.

It's so difficult when we see our children making poor choices, my heart goes out to you, Nevergiveupmom. It sounds like your DS is willing to give her another chance, nothing you can do about that, sadly. What you can do is take very good care of yourself and think about/implement boundaries that will protect you. Boundaries, as I've recently learned, are about what we will or will not do and not about what we want others to do.

Have you had a chance to look around the site? We've got some great workshops and one that comes to mind after reading your post is this one:
   
4.02 | Grieving Our Losses

I never realized I was grieving, you're ahead of me there, mom.

~ OH