Memory Problems in BPD

[SushiDad]

My wife has BPD and she routinely forgets those times when she has raged on me in a very hostile manner. If I ever bring it up at a later date she says, “I never did that” or “I never said that.”  When all the while I know she did because it was devastating and traumatic for me, and is seared into my memory. Is this common?  Does anyone else experience this?

Thanks,
SushiDad

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[grd123]

I had very similar experiences. One example was after spending a number of hours cleaning and organizing our families yard my wife got up around 10:00 AM and started arguing about another issue altogether and questioned me as to why I had not consulted her first before doing household chores. After stating I was only helping in the upkeep of our home and did not wish to wake her up to ask permission to do regular household chores she turned the high pressure hose on between my eyes, within inches. I was soaking wet but refused to engage and walked away from that behaviour but that caused her to start hitting my vehicle with a broom and when I questioned why she would do that she turned the hose on me again and then got in her vehicle and drove away. 
    After collecting myself I realized she had locked me out of her home, hid my keys, my wallet and phone and was at this point soaking wet and unable to get dried off. This happened on a Sunday as I had started a couple of years earlier to document some of the interactions that transpired. On the Thursday following this interaction I approached my wife and reiterated what had happened on the Sunday and told her in the very least an apology should be forthcoming from her as this was abusive behaviour. My wife looked me straight in the eye and told me the incident never happened. I documented the times and dates that many of these incidents happened and finally showed them to my doctor.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi SushiDad!
I know what you mean. It has caught me by surprise many times, and I would find it hurtful and confusing. But it seems to be quite common. I don't think it's a conscious action to forget. It's just that in those moments they are flooded with extreme emotion, and when the emotions are no longer there it's hard for them to remember it. People with BPD (pwBPD) often struggle with shame, and the dysregulations are quite shameful moments, so it's not surprising if the brain blocks the memory of it after.

How long have you been together?
Do you have anyone in your life who you can talk with about this, like a friend or a therapist or a priest?

Warmly,
Scarlet