Hello and welcome,
Mangmo Most of us come here not knowing what to do, and I'm glad you've reached out for support here. You'll find many others who have felt what you are feeling - scared, wondering about our futures. I want you to know that you are safe here to share your feelings, we get it.
I am here, at bpdfamily, to learn ways to improve my relationship with my adult daughter, so I have a slightly different perspective than you. What's the same is that we are all wanting answers and guidance as we navigate these emotionally intense relationships. My heart goes out to you,
Mangmo, you have dealt with so much and it's clear you love your partner very much, and you want what's best for your children
I don't know the answers to your questions but I do know that you are in the right place, that others will be along with insight, guidance, and a warm welcome.
It's great you're in counseling, many of us have really benefitted from having a therapist, someone who can, as you say, confirm that we are not crazy (it really feels that way sometimes, doesn't it?)
Things can get better.
~ OH