The pain: I don't miss her less. I miss her more.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I thought the time would help me feel better, but the more days who goes without my ex, the more it hurts. I dont miss her less.. i miss her more. Some small part inside me have the hope that she will one day come back, regret that she left, and still loves me. Because i know! That she loves me someway deep inside of her. All her friends tells me that and they know her best. More than me. Another part of me says she is too proud  to ever text me say she is sorry, because they dont do that often right? ... To have lived with someone over eight months, so close.. and then suddenly vanish.. its like a part of you has ripped out of my heart and its just a black hole left. I miss every part of her, most that i could talk to her.. knowing she was always there... how do you do gyus? Help me. I am trying to distract myself with all kind of things but it wont help.. i am just ending cry every day. It hurts too much...please respond.

[Yoke]

I thought the time would help me feel better, but the more days who goes without my ex, the more it hurts. I dont miss her less.. i miss her more. Some small part inside me have the hope that she will one day come back, regret that she left, and still loves me. Because i know! That she loves me someway deep inside of her. All her friends tells me that and they know her best. More than me. Another part of me says she is too proud  to ever text me say she is sorry, because they dont do that often right? ... To have lived with someone over eight months, so close.. and then suddenly vanish.. its like a part of you has ripped out of my heart and its just a black hole left. I miss every part of her, most that i could talk to her.. knowing she was always there... how do you do gyus? Help me. I am trying to distract myself with all kind of things but it wont help.. i am just ending cry every day. It hurts too much...please respond.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Wilkinson]

Hey Yoke, I know it's tough.  Letting go is really hard.  I'm doing a similar thing.  What's tough for me is that I had my whole identity wrapped up in my relationship.  It was what my community and friendships were based around.  It's not just a person in your life that's gone, it feels like a complete lifestyle change.  You started to have a vision of yourself in the future based on this relationship and not that it's gone, there's total uncertainty of your future which is scary.

I think there's a time that you'll just have to mourn, but I'd encourage you to not let that uncertainty scare you.  I can tell you that there's a lot of comfort in knowing where you are headed, and now you might feel directionless.  That can be very scary.  For me, I just need to take one step at a time in  the direction that makes the most sense.  You can always change directions.  You may have to back track, but that's OK.  Life is messy.

Hang in there.  Embrace uncertainty.  Be open to possibilities.  That might be really hard now, but keep working towards that.

[Red5]

I think there's a time that you'll just have to mourn, but I'd encourage you to not let that uncertainty scare you.

Hello Yoke,

The persona on the YouTube channel says all the time…

"You have to feel it to cure it "…

This means… you must process your feelings, don't bury them, don't run from them… let them hurt, you have to allow yourself to feel them… its going to hurt; yes, but after a while, it does abate some... with each passing hour, day .. week and month.

I am trying to distract myself with all kind of things but it wont help.. i am just ending cry every day. It hurts too much...please respond.

We have all been there, I am there right now… my wife of eight years, has been gone for almost eight months now… I can say to you, that as time passes, it still hurts, but the severity does dissipate some, and a little more with each passing day.

Work on yourself, use this time to learn... deconstruct what happened, but don't ruminate… understand why you were drawn, attracted to your partner… who are you yourself, where did you develop your ideas about love, and attachment… how has this manifested in your present life… circumstances?

It's hard work… but worth it… "self care"… hobbies, chores… entertain yourself… learn to be able to be by yourself, as well with others, family, friends… go out in public, get a coffee at the coffee shop, sit down, "people watch", go to a movie, go out to eat, treat yourself… volunteer at a soup kitchen… go to the beach, go to a museum… plan and go on a day trip to another town, see the historical sights, the local fare, notice and appreciate the architecture… go to a nature trail… exercise, walk run, swim, bike… go to a state park… go to the antique store(s)... the book store, library… go fishing… be around people, strike a conversation with a perfect stranger… these are very healing things to do.

What did you do for fun, before… what were your hobbies when you were a kid… go to a ball game… go test drive a new car : )

Hang in there Yoke!

Keep posting!

Red5

[Yoke]

Thanx @Wilkingson @Red5. Yes @Wilkingson it feels like my whole world, my identity, and my life is gone. I really gave 100% of me to her,  like u said " It's not just a person in your life that's gone, it feels like a complete lifestyle change.  You started to have a vision of yourself in the future based on this relationship and not that it's gone".. i really belived the she would stay. I am so confused, angry , sad.. all the time. The hardest thing for me is that she brokeup and left with a textmessage! How can u be an adult and do such mean thing..? It hurts that i will never speak to her again, be around her, see her beautiful eyes, spend time with her... all of it hurts and i dont know what to do to get that feelings to disappear. Because i dont want to feel like this anymore. If she never will come back, then please let me not feel like this. Its not fair.. i think sometimes, when i miss her too much, that i should drive to her, knock on the door just to see her once again, give her stuff and see if she still hates me?.. but am too afraid of that she would hate me more..but my heart longing and wish she would be calm now and that we could just be friends and talk like that...please help me... i do things @Red5. I do exercise 3 days a week, go to therapy, see friends, but it does not make me happy anymore. I want to do things with my ex.. not anyone else. And i feel so alone. Every time.. when i got home from work...am alone.. and it really hurts. I know i gavent done the things she accused me for, and i want to tell her that. That she shall not be afraid that i will abandon her.. that she IS safe with me.. that it was wrong breaking up and destroy 8 months engagement for something that is not true. I know she thinks so.. and feel so! But i want her to just know that.. is that wrong of me try tell her that? See her? Pleae respond.