Daughterinlaw

[caring]

Our son is married to a narcisstic woman of 22 yrs.  She  has worked on getting him away from his parents and siblings and all family.  She has accomplished it and has turned the two granddaughters against.  Our grandson hasnt been turned.  Our son no longer comes to see us or his grandmother which is 93.  He neither calls us or text.  The only time we see him is if we go by his workplace.  He is glad to see us.  In September, I had called her and asked forgiveness of telling our son she was disrespectful.  She wouldn't forgive me but tore into me telling me everything that she is.  Weve tried for years to show her love and this is what has happened. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Caring
Welcome to the group. I am glad you found us. Your situation sounds so painful. Having your son and granddaughters  alienated from you because of your DILs divisiveness is horrible. I take it you suspect she has BPD. Has she been diagnosed? What are your goals regarding this situation?
Hugs
Faith

[TDD]

Dear Caring,
I read your post and I am beyond sad for everything you and your entire family have gone through for the past 22 years! My husband and I have been dealing with it for the past 7 years and I'm scared to death that your post is my future.
We welcomed my dil into our family with open arms and she has slowly and systematically alienated our son's entire family. Our son is a wonderful, caring person but is caught in the middle. He has 4 beautiful children that he would love for us to have a relationship with, but she has made it nearly impossible for us to see them. We saw them last month (after not seeing them for 9 months) and had decided on the ride over we were going to  just forget about all the hurt and be kind and loving to our dil. When we saw her she barely said hi and then made a terrible comment about our other son. It went downhill from there. The next day my husband said he just had to say something (he has never said anything to her for the sake of our son) and wrote her and our son an email telling how hurt we have been by the mistreatment we have received and how in the world can this be fixed. It was not a mean email, just stated that we could not take this treatment by her anymore . She replied with a hate filled response, pretty much saying it was all our fault and she was done with us. Which also means we can't see our grandchildren (she won't allow our son to visit us with them!) so it has been heartbreaking. So I just want you to know you are truly not alone and I am sending all my love to you.
Sincerely,
TDD