I'm screwed

[jinglebells1989]

Well I've reached the point where I'm pretty sure I'm screwed in trying to detach from a BPD woman I dated for 4 months at my work.

It's been 5 months and I believe I'm entering into the next phase, i.e. the abandonment depression. For the past 5 months I've secretly held onto the idea that she'll "come around" and offer me an apology and we can start being friendly again at work and potentially rekindle things outside of work. I know how stupid this sounds but I'm being completely up front and honest.

I can't resist her. I miss the sex. I miss her body and the attention she gave me. And she has no intention of leaving this job. This got so ugly that HR got involved. ALL of her dirty laundry was aired to upper management. Now this girl was extremely self conscious about being in the spotlight. Never wanted any negative attention and I'm amazed that in the fallout of this whole thing that she hasn't just quit. Part of me thinks that she's hanging around at this job just to screw with my head.

The guy she triangulated me with, a guy that worked at my company, recently got fired. He couldn't handle it. Her attention towards him wrecked him. It was covert though, under the radar. Her and him were clearly involved with one another but that fizzled out. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a pretty mentally tough individual. But I'm think I'm finally reaching my breaking point. I have to see this woman every day. I went through the withdrawals at first but like I said earlier in my post, that nasty depression is kicking in. I'm finally accepting and realizing that it's over between her and I.

The worst part is that I know I could have gotten back together with her. As stupid as it sounds I know that is true. She tried reaching back out to me, but I ignored it. I knew that was the right thing to do. But now I'm stupidly regretting it. I really miss the sex and the attention. This is a good job too and I fear that my sanity is slowing going and I'll eventually have to quit. She appears to have no intention of leaving any time soon.

I. Am. Screwed.

[ColdKnight]

Brotherman!      the recycle is short lived

Similar to my situation. We are coworkers, triangulation with other coworkers (multiple). I wasn’t her first and haven’t been her last. She absolutely devastated one before me. They both got sucked into an HR ordeal and he took it in the shorts.

After her first discard I was completely obsessed. I reached out a couple of times and got needy and turned her off I believe. I sent a couple more texts here and there and she responded but would drop the conversation and I refused to to chase. She reached out a couple times and I responded but she would drop the conversation and I refused to reengage.

Almost a year to the month after we first met, I called her and told her I thought we had real chemistry and I wanted to see her again. She agreed! I was in heaven! I had my sweet loving girl back! It was very short lived. It took almost two months of texting to get her to come see me and have sex again. In between that was a lot push/pull, stone walling, gas lighting and silent treatment and anxiety!

She came over one more time and we had sex again but I could feel the discard coming again because right after that I asked her if she still wanted to follow though with our plans for a date night and she said “I don’t think so. I don’t feel super wanted, nor do I feel like my presence is very wanted. I know you are not doing it intentionally but it still hurts.”

A few days later we got into a...well I don’t even know what it was. I called to talk and she asked to call me back as she was getting in the shower and she never called back.

That was over two weeks ago last Wednesday July 24. I broke down and texted her today and she responded but was very cold.

I will tell you this. I still want her but I am doing a lot better this time than last time. I am getting close to the “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a dmn” point.

[jinglebells1989]

The only thing I’ve got going for me is that I’ve never begged for her back. In fact I’m in the one who broke up with her after 4 months. She was really upset and made a fool of herself at work. She seems happier now which bothers me.

How many people work at your company? Mine is a small office. About 40 people. It’s brutal.

Also I’m almost positive she’s slept with a few other guys I work with. There’s just no way she hasn’t. My only solace is that I know upper management is keeping and eye on her and I think it’s jusy a matter of time before she screws up.

[WhatJustHappened?]

Be careful. Any chance she can say that she was harassed or worse?

Maybe it's time to look for another job?

I know it's painful but I would suggest any work interaction you have with her is boring and routine and better yet, around other people. Let her move on to other victims.

Also, good sex and attention is the bait on the end of the fishing hook.

I don't mean to be a bummer.

[ColdKnight]

My company is big. We have three offices across the city. She and I don’t work out of the same office but there is always a chance we can run across each other at training or on a job. I can usually avoid that if I work hard enough but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

At the end of June we had a big text fight. It’s always over text.
We rarely fight talking on the phone and never in person. She had just pulled a major gaslighting stunt and I had enough so I ended it. Two days later we ended up on the same job site and had to work as a team the whole day...FML...

That re-connected us and led us to sleeping together for the first time in a year. It was very short lived though because we got into a fight about Fourth of July plans...

[ColdKnight]

I don’t want to be bummer either but I guarantee your girl has slept with others in the company. I consider myself pretty experienced with women. One thing I learned from this is all attractive woman have LOTS of options. Even mildly attractive women have options. If you meet a sweet attractive girl and you are texting and flirting you are just one of many doing the same. She is just trying to decide which one she likes best.

[jinglebells1989]

Yeah I’m pretty sure she fooled around with the dude who recently got fired. Not sure if she actually screwed him but they were definitely spending time together outside of work.

And yeah she is a big time hoe. Always hanging around dudes at work and after the break up just mopping up the male attention. There’s 3 dudes in particular that honed in on her big time following the break up.

But upper management is on to her. I went to them after she vandalized my car. The only reason she didn’t get fired is because they had no proof. They also questioned her about her hanging out with the guy who recently got fired. According to both her and him nothing was going on.

And another thing, the sex was so good with her that I’m not sure other dudes would have been able to keep it together. I mean this one dude got fired and I’m 5 months out still battling depression hard. I haven’t noticed any kind of changes in the other guys at work. I honestly think they’d be too chicken to try anything with her. And if she did give them a taste I’m sure I’d notice behaviorally Changes in them.

But honestly that is all irrelevant at this point. I just wish she’d leave or get fired. She’s had run ins with other people. Before I started dated her, her and my boss got into a bit of a shouting match and then a few weeks back she got into a little argument with someone else. So between what’s happened with me and her and her other spats at the office with other people management definitely has their eye on her. If she got sexually involved with another dude and something popped off she’d be fired no questions asked. So I’m actually kinda hoping it happens.

[ColdKnight]

Honestly...

I would not at all be surprised if she has a male in upper management on her tail. Men are stupid...especially middle aged married men when it comes to the attention of a younger hot seductive female. All it takes is a smile and a bit of innocent girlish playfulness and these guys are putty. I have seen it time and time over...

These types will actually target those folks early on and get them in their corner. She may not be sleeping with one of them but I’d bet a paycheck she has one maybe two of them starry eyed.

[once removed]

i noticed you havent posted since march. you dont have to do this alone 

it sounds like youre struggling with letting go of the relationship, specifically the sex and attention. these are highly loaded things...theyre probably possibilities.

at the same time, this is a volatile situation. you work together, HR has been involved.

thered be no shame in getting back with her, if thats what you want to do. there would likely be major consequences for trying to have your cake, so to speak.

what do you want to do? do the two of you have any interaction?

[Mutt]

Hi jinglebells1989,

I’d like to echo once removed but keep in mind that you won’t catch lightning in a bottle twice that honeymoon phase where everything is perfect is not sustainable.

That being said what do you after work? What do you in your spare time?

This is also a good opportunity to do self work and learn new tools that will help you in relationships in general not just romantic ones.

There’s no judgement here if you want a r/s with her again or you can also choose to have r/s’s with other people.