worried dad

[Falcon64]

 I am the parent of a 20yr old. She and I agree that she has BPD. She has been self medicating with weed for quite some time now. I will be trying to get her to seek professional treatment. I am confused, scared, and feel alone,

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Falcon 64. I am glad you found U.S. Now you are not alone. We get you. Please make yourself at home and have a look at some of the educational materials we have. Unless some of the nonsense on the internet the information on this website is reliable. This is a horrible illness but it is very treatable. If your daughter already admits she thinks she has it and you are as supportive as you already are she has a very good chance of getting better.
Hugs
Faith
 

[livednlearned]

I agree with Faith -- it's huge that your daughter agrees she might have BPD. And you are ahead of the curve, too, in agreeing that it seems to explain her behavior.

Self-medicating with drugs is not uncommon, unfortunately.

Does she seem interested in seeking professional help for her BPD?

Does she live with you?

[Falcon64]

   She does not live with me. There are three younger siblings and her behaviors mainly drug use was starting to influence them. I am currently providing her with a place to live, car, and cell phone. Which she agreed to pay for half but in the last six months she has quit her job and things have really gone downhill. and of course its all my fault. Not sure if she is willing to seek professional help. Planning on getting together with her tomorrow to talk about it. Your responses have encouraged me. thank you
 

[FaithHopeLove]

Have you thought about making your financial support contingent on her doing certain things like going to therapy, getting another job etc?

[livednlearned]

Try not to be surprised, too, if she walks back her statement about having BPD.

It happens.

I would focus on learning two important skills for now: validation and avoiding JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). Creating a validating environment is an important way to meet her halfway.

Lollypop, a member here, describes her approach as being light as a fairy. With my SD22, I can have an hour-long conversation that is a combination of "oh?" "and then what happened?" "how did that feel?"

I sit on my hands, try to remain calm as she works things out for herself.

Going slow can help dial down the anxiety for you, too. Give yourself a chance to try some new behaviors and see what works.

[Falcon64]

    The conversation with my daughter went surprisingly well. She agreed therapy was the best thing to do. Not sure if she will follow through with it because she has to do the footwork on that. I think it is a good idea to have therapy as a contingent to me supporting financially.

[FaithHopeLove]

 

  The conversation with my daughter went surprisingly well. She agreed therapy was the best thing to do. Not sure if she will follow through with it because she has to do the footwork on that. I think it is a good idea to have therapy as a contingent to me supporting financially.

Sounds like good news all around. One step at a time.