seeking a support person(s) to cope with my ladyfriend with BPD

[doctor G]

Hi,
I got into a romantic relationship with "Ani" ( not her real name )
around 10 weeks ago.
We have known each other though since near 20 years.
I have seen heaven and hell during these last 10 weeks : 
4 times she wanted to end our relationship - and indeed I feel like pushed into walking on eggshells
which is very uncomfortable? I have lost near 20 pounds ( of my slight overweight -
Ani is a bright women - she studies classical languages  latin and Greek.
She works an administration job at a major hospital.
We have been friends for a long time - and I have been always having eying her as a
nice interesting person - fascinating.
She has a 10 year old daughter. the girl lives with her father during the week and Ani has her girl
from Saturday morning until Sunday evening.

Myself I work as an ER doctor, very dedicated to my patients.
I have been single since 5 years after a 12 years relationship -
had major difficulties with that break up and have been seeing therapists
and engaged into study. Some years ago - the therapist I was seeing  passed away suddenly
. I called Ani - as I knew she was seeing a therapist an since we have been seeing the same psychiatrist.
( whoom accepted me even if she was not accepting new patients  - as part of my needs are
also to cope with the emotional weight of my work )

I hope to find some support in dealing with Ani.

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[doctor G]

Hi,
I got into a romantic relationship with "Ani" ( not her real name )
around 10 weeks ago.
We have known each other though since near 20 years.
I have seen heaven and hell during these last 10 weeks : 
4 times she wanted to end our relationship - and indeed I feel like pushed into walking on eggshells
which is very uncomfortable? I have lost near 20 pounds ( of my slight overweight -
Ani is a bright women - she studies classical languages  latin and Greek.
She works an administration job at a major hospital.
We have been friends for a long time - and I have been always having eying her as a
nice interesting person - fascinating.
She has a 10 year old daughter. the girl lives with her father during the week and Ani has her girl
from Saturday morning until Sunday evening.

Myself I m a healthcare worker.
I have been single since 5 years after a 12 years relationship -
had major difficulties with that break up and have been seeing therapists
and engaged into study. Some years ago - the therapist I was seeing  passed away suddenly
. I called Ani - as I knew she was seeing a therapist an since we have been seeing the same psychiatrist.
( whoom accepted me even if she was not accepting new patients  - as part of my needs are
also to cope with the emotional weight of my work )

I hope to find some support in dealing with Ani.

Thank you

[No-One]

Hi Doctor G:  Welcome!
I'm sorry about all the pushing/pulling you have been enduring.

I got into a romantic relationship with "Ani" ( not her real name ) around 10 weeks ago. We have known each other though since near 20 years. I have seen heaven and hell during these last 10 weeks :  4 times she wanted to end our relationship - and indeed I feel like pushed into walking on eggshells

Other than the push/pull behavior, what other BPD traits is she exhibiting?

We have been seeing the same psychiatrist. 

Are you able to talk about "Ani" during your personal sessions with your psychiatrist?  If so, has your psychiatrist given you any advice about 'Ani"?

Does "Ani"  see the psychiatrist for meds and therapy?  Has she had any DBT type therapy or training?

Part of my needs are also to cope with the emotional weight of my work

As an ER doctor, you experience a lot of chaos.  Is it possible that you are addicted to chaos? Perhaps, it seems natural to you to have chaos in a relationship as well.

Just wondering if this is the right romantic relationship for you? Sounds like something to discuss with your psychiatrist. I understand how the "pull" part of the cycle makes you feel wonderful, but is it worth it, when the "push" part of the cycle bites you in the rear?