Wedding

[firstformant]

Hello,
My long time bf and I are planning to get married. This causes me so much anxiety because there is so much conflict in my family.
I am the only child that speaks to my mother. I talk to her once or twice a week but I keep it at a distance. I plan to invite her but I am already dreading the thought of her causing a scene or throwing a tantrum or causing drama. I know this will happen.
My sister also has mental health issues and I am the only one in the family she talks to. She doesn't talk to either of my parents, stepmom, extended family or siblings. I plan to have all my siblings as bridesmaids.
How can I manage all of this family conflict and still have a good...decent wedding while inviting everyone I speak to if no one else speaks to each other?

[GaGrl]

firstformant, there have been quite a few members on this forum who have had the situation of a BPD parent or sibling with the potential for wedding chaos. I'm hoping some of them weigh in here to help you.

It would be helpful to know a bit more about the wedding arrangements. Is the wedding in your hometown, and do you live there? A destination wedding? Big wedding or smaller?

How involved will your mother and sibling be in the wedding planning? Are your parents paying for the wedding, in full or in part? Is it the wedding weekend itself that concerns you -- rehearsal dinner, ceremony, recetion?

One thing several people have done is to ask a friend or family member to keep an eye on the difficult person and intercept them if they begin to dysregulate. Several people have gone so far as to have a security person on-site in "wedding appropriate dress" so they could handle disturbances (too much alcohol can be an accelerant).

Where do you anticipate the most problems?

[Harri]

Hi!  I want to join GaGrl in saying welcome and in letting you know you are not alone.  Congrats on your soon to be wedding too!  

Gagrl already covered what I was going to say about having a friend stand guard or even hiring someone to keep an eye on problem family members.

Who do you think might cause the most trouble at the wedding and in the events leading up to it?   What do you do for stress management now in terms of taking care of yourself while having so much conflict in your immediate family?

Let's see what other ideas we can offer as you share more info.  In the meantime I hope you settle in and read as there is so much info to share.

Again,