My mother's BPD situation

[TwoDogs2]

Hello everyone,

My mother has untreated BPD, and she has the family under her thumb in fears of retaliation. Which leads to the current situation, I lived with her due to limited financial means (I draw a disability) until her latest borderline rage accusing me of abuse which lead to a restraining order that is keeping me away from my livestock being on her property.

I have set boundaries with her and told her no when things are not realistic or workable. I have told her drama has no positive consequences but of course she went ahead and fabricated abuse allegations. I can only imagine due to her BPD, and our family not wanting to interfere, she felt I am being abusive to her by not letting her control me.  She has in fact physically assaulted me and stabbed me resulting in a police report.  This is not the first time she has filed on a false TRO on anyone, so she realizes the power and damage it can cause and has resulted in terminating her romantic relationships on many occasions. Since I have left, she sold my vehicle (which is in her name, stupid me!), telling people that there is no revocation paper for her to sign, that my father will buy me property (he will not), having sex with a married man, and telling people she will sell the house when she is upside down with her mortgage. If she does the latter, she will risk losing her mortgage broker license thus her only source of income. So she is practicing self destruction as well.

This is caused a wide path of destruction and people got sucked up into it. Nobody wants to tell her to quit it and sign the revocation of the order. Right now she having europhia high from having control of the entire situation and nobody is telling her to stop it. I am having a hard time finding someone strong enough to not give to her and tell her to stop this situation. My family refuses to get involved because they do not want it to be about them (she seems to take turns).

I have a degree in Psychology (as well Communication) so I have a basic understanding of mental disorders and communicating through disputes. But I can not in this case with this order. My animals are underweight and some have died. It is unbelievable that she wakes up and can look out in the window and look at the aftermath of her consequences and not have a conscience.

Right now I am with my dad which is not an ideal situation as he is narcissistic and it is his way or the highway.  He already has punched me three times, given me dog feces on a plate, and thrown pots and pans. It is actually harder to deal with him because he can follow me and get through locked doors. He does not respect my boundaries or values. He refuses to reason with her, but instead gets aggressive with me and trying to force his ideals on me.

This situation has left me depressed and with the report on my records it is difficult to achieve anything. It is amazing that parents take steps to try to destruct their own child after I had taken the steps to get myself in a better situation. Now I am stuck in a hard rock and place.

Does anyone know how to defuse this situation? My mother refuses to go to counseling (both parents are in denial) I need order back in my life so I can focus on my plans and goals that include getting myself in a better situation.

I see so many posts about people struggling with their family's BPD. It can be devastating for many on many levels. I do plan on getting away from it, but right now it is not financially possible and now with my reputation in the tanks. it is even more a struggle.

Thank you for any insight.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi TwoDogs2, 

Welcome! I'm so glad that you have reached out to us here and shared your story with us. I am so very sorry for the awful situation you are in right now! You seem to be doing your best to hold out and survive no matter what. Kudos to you! 

Some of your question I don't know how to answer since it seems there are legal issues involved. You can go on over to our Family Law board. Look at the green bar above and click on "groups" and scroll down to find the board. I think you might get some good help concerning some of the issues you are facing at the moment.

About having a BPDm and a N dad, well we are pretty familiar with that here on this board! Sounds like you need boundaries with both parents. Let's start with talking about being safe first, as that is always a priority here.

She has in fact physically assaulted me and stabbed me resulting in a police report.
 He already has punched me three times, given me dog feces on a plate, and thrown pots and pans.

So many of us here have suffered at the hands of our angry parents who are not able to function in healthy manners towards us. In my own home while growing up, there were many different kinds of abuse including physical abuse. I would guess that if you are experiencing it now as an adult, you probably also experienced it as a child. Am I correct?

Do you have a safety plan at all? If so, can you tell me what that looks like? If you need some ideas, we are great with helping you to figure that out. Do you have some friends who understand that you may need a safe place to hang out?

Please keep sharing! We love to listen!
 

Wools

[Turkish]

TD2,

This sounds like a serious situation. The safety plan  that Woolspinner2000 referred to can be found here:  https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety-first-dv-1.pdf

It sounds like you're at least marginally safer with your dad for now.

How did your mother manage to get a TRO if she committee felonious assault upon you?

T

[TwoDogs2]

Hi

Thank you for the responses! I have been reading the legal section of this forum. It is disheartening to read so many stories that are like my own.

The situation has not gotten better.  My dad locked me in a room and called the cops. He got furious because the state was contacted in the regards of abusing a disabled adult.  I do not feel safe here at all! Unfortunately, no where to go and even on a fixed income. I am applying for graduate school in a different state but that will require more money and time. One bridge at a time. I worry about being able to find employment in another state.

But for now... I have to get away from him. I have to depend on him for transportation and roof over my head. He is threatening to put me under a bridge. He seems to be so intent on trying to demean me, especially by things that I value.

My mother is still be involved with a married man. I struggle to think of who is strong enough to talk to her and pull her out of this state of mind. Has anybody experienced trying to find someone? Family will not work because they are afraid to be the next target.

Ugggghhh!

Thank you.

[GaGrl]

Can you contact your local Domestic Violence organization? DV does not have to be still spousal. They will listen to your story and help determine what help and resources they can provide you.

[Cloudy009]

I agree. Contact someone to help you. It seems like right now your life is pretty enmeshed with parents who are seriously abusing you. Even if you are surviving it now it may come back to effect you later in life. I would try to find help to get other housing.
If you can get yourself into graduate school and focus on your own career thats great.
I wish I had known that was at least part of the way out of an abusive family when I was younger so I wouldn't loose sight on finical independence.
If your animals are not safe with your Mom I know how hard it would be and I don't know if I could do it but I would consider rehoming them. Especially if you can't take them to graduate school with you.
You can get out of this. I know how hard it must be but you can do it.