Autism/ASD with BPD?

[LightAtTheEnd]

Hey, guys. I first posted a year ago about my H's uBPDx and I felt really encouraged to read a handful of threads here. Things are still an exhausting, often daily, rollercoaster ride with her.

Now we are beginning to realize that my SD12 who was diagnosed with ASD at 5yo shows BPD traits. Her emotions have been severely unpredictable and explosive for her entire life. She just had her first session with a T who specializes in children with ASD (after a year of me pushing for this with my H to get her Mom to agree... without her knowing I was behind it of course). So far T agreed with me and H that her challenges are definitely more than just ASD. Her uBPD mom has only ever really pushed meds and has not had her in T other than for a month or two a couple of years ago. On another "fun" note, uBPDx has told everyone on the outside that she so wants peace and we have refused that by refusing counseling with her (in a parenting plan amendment trial she tried to get the judge to order me to go to counseling with her at her expense, but the judge said he has no jurisdiction over me). So we finally agreed to see this T with her once, and T wants us to meet monthly. The lying makes me feel like it's pointless. Aaaanyway...

Are there other parents here with a child with both diagnoses/traits?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Light at the End and welcome back
It sounds like you have quite a challenge on your hands. I am not personally familiar with this particular dual diagnosis but I hope others who are will soon be along to help you. Meanwhile welcome again.
Hugs
Faith

[livednlearned]

Hi Light,

My step daughter (22) is not formally diagnosed with either BPD or ASD although all signs point to both diagnoses. The one that causes her the most trouble would most definitely be BPD. Interestingly, she is a special ed teacher for kids with autism, and her boyfriend has Asperger's. She gravitates to people on the spectrum, although to our knowledge, she has rejected any kind of thorough evaluation.

She has a BPD mother and ASD brother (diagnosed with PDD-NOS).

What is your SD12 like?

[LightAtTheEnd]

What is your SD12 like?

Thanks so much for the support, Lived & Faith. Lived, it sounds like your SD22 has found her niche.

My SD has intense, fixated interests and loves telling every stranger about them (currently reptiles and a favorite tv series). Her goal seems to be positive responses from kind strangers. She lacks body/spacial awareness and doesn't understand or remember personal space. If we very sweetly/softly remind her to fix her clothes (shirt tucked in to her underwear? haha) or give someone a little room, she only gets very angry. She seems to lack the capability for consideration for others and perceives everything to be about her. She seems to think that the whole world is against her (she yells things like "Everyone hates me! Why does everyone think I'm SO annoying? I know, I know, I'm so stupid!"). Other times she is smothering us with kisses and telling us how much she loves us over and over. She also has a major challenge with memory, it seems. Personally, I think some of that is that when she has explosive angry episodes (sometimes multiple times a day), she is in trauma brain. And it is over in a split second. She is acting as if nothing happened and is talking sweetly, sometimes with tears still on her face. It feels like emotional whiplash to me.

Whew... that was longer than I meant to type. Thanks if you're reading this.

[livednlearned]

How does she handle being alone?

The bad memory following an outburst really can feel like whiplash. I think it's Shari Manning's book Loving Someone with BPD that describes the physiological link between memory and rage.

I found the site AspergerExperts.com to be helpful in thinking about the social skills aspect. My H and I have three kids who are various places on the spectrum (S18, SS20, SD22) and they all have issues with hygiene, appearance, social norms.

SD22 doesn't seem to feel food on her face  and all three kids don't seem to be aware of what their clothing is doing. SS20 has the most pronounced focus on a special interest, although SD22 can talk for hours, too, if people allow. Oddly, you can most see ASD traits in pictures. She doesn't smile, or if she does, it's more like she's forming the shape of a smile if that makes sense. And she'll try to joke about the same thing over and over and over and over again, not recognizing that it wasn't really funny the first time, and didn't get better the second or third or fourth time. She's also not aware of personal space like you say your SD12 is. That quality, plus her inability to be alone, has been the most confounding for me as her step mom. Her hugging is pretty aggressive, too.

How often is SD12 having meltdowns?