Communicating to new friends

[Thayan]

Hi there, having a tough time with one part in my own recovery from living with my now dBPDw.

I've become pretty socially isolated, as a man in my 30's, I know it isn't uncommon to becomes socially isolated, but I really don't feel like I have many close friends. Definitely no one I feel like I can share my struggles with. As part of my own self-work, I realize I need to put more energy into friendships. The catch here is how to talk about my relationship.

I mean, the crazy stuff that happens when you are married to a pwBPD... I don't even know how to bring that up. Or if I even should. Some of this I feel is personal things about my wife, like if I was sharing that she had AIDS, or something else stigmatizing. It is kind of not my place to be telling other people about her diagnosis or the work we're doing, but aside from this board it is just me and the therapists and I know that's not a long term solution.

How do you share this (or not) with your friends/family?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Some of our friends and family (and our relationships with them) can handle the "heavy stuff."  Some can't at all.  Most are somewhere in between.  As I worked to broaden my support network beyond just me and the therapists, I reconnected with a couple of old friends who had faced difficulties and I knew had my back.  Newer friendships are more activities-based, and I usually don't go near the serious stuff.  Sometimes just alluding to having a rough week or some difficulties in the relationship can work and can result in some general empathy coming your way.  Not every friendship has to be on the way to a place where you discuss your relationship details.  I'd focus in general on reducing your isolation through some activities that let you meet friends.  Prioritize the connections, and how much you end up saying can fall out naturally as the friendships develop.  Does that sound like it could work for your situation?

RC

[Thayan]

That is very reasonable. I'm probably overthinking this.

[Radcliff]

I'm probably overthinking this.

I don't think you're overthinking it at all.  Figuring out how much to disclose can be a tough problem.  There've been times where I wish I'd reached out to someone sooner and told them more about what was going on so I could get support, and there have been times where I feel like I probably overdisclosed.  Around work, mutual friends, etc. I've learned to be more cautious.  I've also learned to find those people in my life who I can be completely open with.  It can take a long time to get all this dialed in.

RC