PTSD Possible of a Family Member after a BPD Break-Up?

[Angie59]

Hello everyone!

For anyone who has followed my threads, you know that I have a son who was in a 5-1/2 year relationship with an uBPD girlfriend.  I have to say, all of my immediate family members were affected by this (my husband as well as my older son who lives with us).  There were arguments with uBPD, arguments within our own family, many arguments with my son who was with her, many tears Mom shed at night before going to sleep and so many prayers said, not to mention hardly ever having a peaceful night's sleep without the situation somehow invading my dreams.

So, 7 months ago now they have been broken up.  Contact is still there for my son because they share a son, our precious grandson who is 3.  No contact for us though. 

My son has met someone else who he is very smitten with (unfortunately did not take my advice in working on himself in therapy for a bit before engaging in another relationship), and his eyes have obviously been opened by the smallest of things, things that should be seen by him as "normal" like her reaching over to hold his hand while watching a movie.  He feels like he is 7th heaven as he is experiencing what a "healthy" relationship actually looks like.

We have not met her yet but he would like us to soon.  I found out that for me, even though he is no longer in the relationship with the uBPD, it is still affecting me.  I still have them in some way or another in my dreams, still become enraged over things he chooses to share with us that she has done, that he now laughs about, but before would be down our throats defending her if we brought something up to him that wasn't "normal."  I never expected to feel all of this aftermath and not quite sure how to handle it.  It makes me feel like I don't want to meet this new girl as my meeting her may be tainted from what I have experienced before.  Sounds kind of crazy!  Has anyone experienced this before or know of anyone who has?  Is this even normal to experience?

[Kwamina]

Hi Angie59

From your previous threads I know how much the situation with your son and his now ex uBPD girlfriend and her family affected you.

Your son is now no longer in that relationship, though there is still contact since they share a son. How is their co-parenting going?

My son has met someone else who he is very smitten with (unfortunately did not take my advice in working on himself in therapy for a bit before engaging in another relationship)

How long after the breakup with his uBPD girlfriend did he get into this new relationship?

We have not met her yet but he would like us to soon.
…..
It makes me feel like I don't want to meet this new girl as my meeting her may be tainted from what I have experienced before.

It certainly is your decision to make whether you want to meet the new girlfriend or not. If you do not want to and/or don't feel ready for it, after your past experiences with his son and his uBPD ex, it is important to be aware and recognize that you have those feelings and thoughts.

I still have them in some way or another in my dreams, still become enraged over things he chooses to share with us that she has done, that he now laughs about, but before would be down our throats defending her if we brought something up to him that wasn't "normal."

In what kind of ways do they appear in your dreams?

You mention becoming enraged, how do you deal with that rage? Do you give expression to your rage?

Take care

The Board Parrot