Can't quite put my finger on it—Part 4

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

ff you’ve kind of answered your own question...I told my son the truth because he could see what was going on in front of him. Anything else would have been a lie. I didn’t use blame or paint his father black, but just that we couldn’t live together anymore under the current circumstances. I did say we both still love each other and would be in each other’s lives, but living together wasn’t possible any because his fathers behaviours were not good for either of us to go on being exposed to.

This worked for us. My son still has a relationship with his father and so do I, but I continue to minimise his exposure to his father’s mental illness until I feel he is old enough to manage it by himself. I also teach him age appropriate tools that I have learnt here to help him manage what he has to.


I don’t have any recommendations for how Enabler tells his children. We are all different and we all do things differently for a variety of reasons. Hopefully Enabler will find a way through this that supports his needs and his children needs without painting his wife in a bad light.

[sweetheart]

ff you’ve kind of answered your own question...I told my son the truth because he could see what was going on in front of him. Anything else would have been a lie. I didn’t use blame or paint his father black, but just that we couldn’t live together anymore under the current circumstances. I did say we both still love each other and would be in each other’s lives, but living together wasn’t possible any because his fathers behaviours were not good for either of us to go on being exposed to.

This worked for us. My son still has a relationship with his father and so do I, but I continue to minimise his exposure to his father’s mental illness until I feel he is old enough to manage it by himself. I also teach him age appropriate tools that I have learnt here to help him manage what he has to.


I don’t have any recommendations for how Enabler tells his children. We are all different and we all do things differently for a variety of reasons. Hopefully Enabler will find a way through this that supports his needs and his children needs without painting his wife in a bad light.

[Notwendy]

Kids can do well in all kinds of family structures and not all traditional family units are emotionally stable. My parents stayed together but things were not “normal “ . We got our “normal” from spending time with my Dad’s family. There- we were loved and felt safe and conflict was much less.

[Harri]

Point of order: We are not debating to achieve consensus recommendations - we are offering opinions. On the Conflicted board, more than any other board, we are comparing and contrasting options and offering perspectives. It's up to the OP to net them out into a recommended action.

Ideally, the OP (general statement) reads all the various opinions and nets out what he/she is hearing to acknowledge the participating members efforts, shares what is helping, what is challenging, what he wants more information on.

2.1 Collegium, Not Debate:  bpdfamily.com is set up as a collegium. We follow a Collegial Discussion format which is characterized as having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers.
https://bpdfamily.com/guidelines#collegium

[Notwendy]

I totally agree, Harri- there are different opinions here. We don't have to agree. We are, at best, lay people sharing our own experiences. It's up to Enabler to read and decide.

Every relationship and family is different. We may have similar dynamics but no two families are alike. It would be up to any individual to carry out any plan they choose. Nobody can decide this for someone else.

I think the different opinions and contributions are a good thing- it shows the diversity in how people handle things- that there isn't just one way. My posts aren't meant to push towards one solution and if that isn't clear, I hope it is now.

[Cat Familiar]

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