Finally started therapy - necklace

[TigerJuice]

I started therapy a few months ago, to help me with my role as a mother, to help my kids. I knew I wasn't being the best I could around them.

I'm now digging into the real stuff. My parents. Their lies my whole life. Their continued lies to make themselves look better to me and the outside world. The devaluation. It always seems to come up with me around the holidays, probably because of past gifts and current communications.

I always received "the dregs" gifts, while my siblings get/got the most expensive brand names, etc. There was no attempt at hiding inequities. I was always told "That's not who you are. You'd be uncomfortable with something so nice." But the real message was, "we think more of your siblings. They deserve more. We love them more." 

My siblings were gifted nicer family heirlooms as we got older as well, the engagement ring, the china, furniture. While I was handed things my mother didn't want anymore, or had literally broken.

I have pearl "bracelets" that she sent my girls a few years ago. She wrote a long letter about how she had been holding on to the bracelets until my girls were older and could appreciate them... The "bracelets" are actually a single necklace. It has clearly been broken. It wasn't broken in even pieces. They are both too small to even be worn as bracelets on a teenager sized wrist. I remember the antique style clasp still on one "bracelet" from my childhood. (It was my mother's necklace.) The other one has been fitted with a cheap hobby store clasp, tied on with thread.

It is so obvious to anyone who looks at it. But they lie so often and think I am so stupid that I'll accept it. Sometimes I think I should mail it back with a note, asking why they think so little of me as to lie. I don't care that it's broken. I care that she lied. And other times I think I should bother acknowledging their behavior. My siblings will just see me as ungrateful, and I'm overly sensitive.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. At least someone is listening to me now and validating it.

[TelHill]

  Hi & welcome!

My dBPD mom and dad show their displeasure with me this way too. I am the one painted black (scapegoat) and my older sibling is the one painted white (golden child).

My older sibling was given all the family heirlooms recently.  I received nothing. I only noticed since I moved in pt w/my elderly parents a few years ago, that my older sibling would get more money than me.(My parents give money as opposed to a sweater or pjs for the holidays.) Dad tries to hide it in a clumsy way, so I do see.

Like you, it's not the material things that matter. It's the dysfunction of my FOO with my mom's bpd being the tip of the iceberg.

I am sorry your children received that chopped up necklace as a bracelet. I'm sure that hurt them.

Yes, we do get it and understand. Hope you can share more of your story when you have a chance. Glad you found this group.