is ruminating a dangerous activity?

[Cromwell]

Anyone find themselves ruminating about their ex and the relationship whilst say, driving, or cycling, chopping up vegetables - or other precarious situations that should demand full attention?

What do you do? I used to try multitask but had a few near misses until I just stopped ruminating, did the activity, and resumed afterwards.

Being a cyclist was challenging at the best of times, but how I was a ruminator-cyclist and still here to tell the tale. I stopped it on some of those near misses where in the shock of daydreaming being punctuated I felt "Do you want - her - to be the - last - thing on your mind"?

Im glad I survived to be able to reflect, I realised what I thought was just a harmless activity was actually very dangerous and reckless under some circumstances. A surprise though was how the shock of nearly being run down and the resulting overide put a instantaneous end to the rumination. It took awhile but I found this "interrupt" can actually be done, especially effective at the start (it gets trickier if allowed to gain momentum) I tend to find quashing it from the start my new policy these days.

Do you have a policy on rumination? Or easy going and go with the flow. Interested to hear any experience, hints and tips.

[SinisterComplex]

Cromwell, MMM...I'll admit that it did happen to me once upon a time and it led me to hurting myself while working out. I tore my left pec while bench pressing. Yeah that sucked and it could have been a lot worse...I got very lucky I didn't rupture the muscle or pull the tendon off the bone. No surgery necessary, but still if going through something like that doesn't give you a kick in the balls to wake you up out of the haze and daze nothing will.

That injury was a great wake up call. From that point on I realized my focus needs to be on the here and now and not to ever let any one or any thing control my focus and thoughts ever again. I do believe things like this happen for a reason mostly because I follow the chaos theory...do not believe in coincidences because the pattern and path will always reveal itself.

So if I catch myself thinking about the ex I quickly cycle to a song I have dedicated to her in my head (Five Finger Death Punch - Wicked Ways...the words are so perfect and fitting) and that is what helps me get past it real quick. I essentially use the same strategy for the most recent fallout and it is again a song from Five Finger Death Punch - Inside Out. They serve as reminders for me to not give into weakness and instead choose to be powerful and fearless.

To each their own, but that is what I do.

Cheers my friend!

[Cromwell]

I have a similar gym injury Sinister. Can't blame everything on her but can partially. But it was daydream ruminating whilst cycling and a few near misses one particularly bad that also woke me up.

That sounds a good technique to interrupt it. I think I will try something similar. Cheers. Cromwell

[gizmocasci]

ive got a good song for everyone to use bulletproof by god smack.

[I Am Redeemed]

I find myself doing it a lot while driving, and each time I make a conscious effort to stop it and pay attention to the present moment. Mindfulness practice helps with that. It doesn't matter if you do the meditation part of it, you can still bring your thoughts to the present in any situation by looking at physical objects in your surroundings. For instance, I will focus on the road in front of me, the steering wheel in my hands, what cars are behind, beside, in front. Even if I have to say in my mind, "there's a red car behind me. There's a black truck in front of me." It forces me to be present and aware so I am not distracted. I do have a fear that I will be so distracted that I have an accident. No near misses, just my hypervigilant, anxious mind, but it isn't an unrealistic fear so I take it seriously.

[once removed]

writing would sort of run the ruminations out of gas. sort of like: if im gonna ruminate, lets just go all out, and focus it some, until theres nothing left.

i also used a supplement called SAM-E that significantly cut down the ruminations.

[SinisterComplex]

I don't want to dominate the discussion too much with supplement recommendations since that is an area of expertise of mine, but I will say as it pertains to mental health I would highly recommend using Rhodiola Rosea (strong mood balancer and great at controlling aggression at low to mid dosing ranges...too much though and aggression can be increased) and Ashwaghandha (one of the better cortisol regulators you can use without fear or hormonal rebound...for an example I do not recommend using Relora as it is notorious for hormonal rebound). SAM-e is also very good albeit through a very different mechanism of action. As a side note...I highly recommend SAM-e as a liver purifier as it is perhaps the only OTC supplement that compares to TUDCA (comparable to UDCA which is the pharmaceutical grade while TUDCA is the same thing just with a taurine molecule attached and thus makes it available as an OTC supplement as well).

Something of note is that I constantly see St. Johns Wort recommended for mental health related issues, but I would err on the side of caution with that one as it is actually better helping with skin conditions and I believe there are superior compounds that reach the desired results for mental health.

Ok sorry to go off on a tangent here, but the inner scientist/nerd took over for a brief moment. LOL.

Cheers!

[JNChell]

Cromwell, remembering, for me, has been the best antidote to a rumination. The ruminations still occur, but they are quick and almost subtle now. I’m far enough away from the danger to know better at this point. I will never breach myself in that way again. Honestly, I couldn’t survive another go around like that. Remember how you felt at the best times and the lowest times. Wanna experience that again? I also recommend Sam-E.  Amazing supplement.

[Tsultan]

Hi Cromwell, 

I am glad that you brought this topic up as it has been on my mind lately too.

What I have been thinking lately about my ruminations is for me to just accept that they are there and will be there for as long as they need to be.  I don't like them but they are what they are.  Sometimes it's get annoying.  I used to try to resist the thoughts but I think it makes it worse.  If I need to focus on a task at work however, they don't get in the way of what I need to do.  I think it was more like that for me in the beginning when the emotion was raw.  I still think of my exuBDPbf several times a day and I wonder what he might be doing at the moment but not as much as it was so I see that as moving forward.

There was a new wave of grief for me last weekend that came flooding through again.  I think it has to do with the holidays.  I did cry a few times to get it out of my system as much as I needed.  It seem better this week.  It helps me to stay busy and nurture other friendships.

It sure does help to read what others post here and to remember that I am not alone in my struggles.  This stuff to deal with afterwards is really something isn't it?

Thanks for posting.

T-

[thraceK]

I think it is. I think it is a maladaptive response. I think having self compassion is important but I have been trying to think about what a less maladaptive response would be. 

I had a friend who I would consider fairly stable and healthy enter in a relationship with pwBPD. They lasted about 6 months they were 'falling in love' and seemed like the cutest couple but then she started to pick up on things that didn't make sense, she started noticing he was commenting on other women's facebook pages about how beautiful and sexy they were. Also that he was in contact with a bunch of his ex's and had weird female friendships. She confronted him, he freaked out tried to self-harm and blamed her and she contacted his friends to take care of him. Then completely cut contact and dumped him. She was upset but moved on pretty quickly.

He started a smear campaign against her. Again she was annoyed but mostly viewed him as sad sick man and if his friends bought his lies then she doesn't need them around anyway.

I try to look back at her reaction, which was being mentally ill isn't a excuse to be such an asshole. She didn't know it was BPD back then but it didn't matter what mattered were his actions. She realized quick she actually wasn't in love with him because he was just lies. She seemed grateful it didn't last longer and had this screw him and his bull attitude. She didn't need that.

After my breakup my reaction has been less self-protective and angry. Mine has been, why? Why am I reacting this way? Why did he do this? What is BPD? Was any of it real? Is there a person capable of love in there? Will I ever find this again? What's wrong with me? What else was he lying about? Where there other women? Do other women feel exactly like I do? What was smoke and mirrors and what was real? Maybe he doesn't have BPD? Who else has BPD? Why am I so depressed?

I think for me the rumination has been slightly about trying to find hope and answers in a hopeless situation, and answers I will never have. The only real things that are important are it's over. He treated me terribly I didn't deserve any of it and of course I was confused. It wasn't love because it was just lies. That's it. There should be nothing else to think about, he treated me terribly I don't deserve that and he can't be trusted. End of story.

Now trying to have compassion but start the real work of peeling myself out of this depression and moving back into the person I used to be.

[SinisterComplex]

I think for me the rumination has been slightly about trying to find hope and answers in a hopeless situation, and answers I will never have. The only real things that are important are it's over. He treated me terribly I didn't deserve any of it and of course I was confused. It wasn't love because it was just lies. That's it. There should be nothing else to think about, he treated me terribly I don't deserve that and he can't be trusted. End of story.

This sums it up. Stick with that line of thinking. There truly isn't much more to add than that.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-