Financial and legal concerns

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My dbpdh just made a fraudulent insurance claim and forged my name while depositing the check. I want to confront but concerned of what to expect.

[Aim]

My dbpdh just made a fraudulent insurance claim and forged my name while depositing the check. I want to confront but concerned of what to expect.

[ForeverDad]

You probably could use some legal advice.  If you've already consulted a family law attorney about divorce options and other legal issues, try that attorney.  Asking a lawyer who also represents your spouse could strain the confidentiality of the matter.

Fraud, even if signing the spouse's name, is a very serious matter.  Sounds like it could be a large check, something you don't want boomeranging back on you or held over your head.  As in, "If you {do whatever} then I'll report you and then you'll get in trouble too."

Frankly, either way there will be consequences, either your conscience (and worry about exposure for years to come) or your spouse's blowup and blaming.  How upside down it is to say that.  His misdeed but you'll be blamed for fixing it.

If the fraud was with IRS, it has Form 8857 for "innocent spouse relief".

I didn't face fraud, not exactly.  I was divorced and had health insurance for myself and my minor son.  My ex kept saying she had gotten Medicaid coverage for him.  She never let me see her card.  Agencies didn't seem to care.  Eventually I just let her do her own thing since I didn't ever get a copy of whatever card she had.  I was doing the right thing by providing the required coverage.  We were divorced and what she did was on her own head.

[livednlearned]

My dbpdh just made a fraudulent insurance claim and forged my name while depositing the check. I want to confront but concerned of what to expect.

Have you run through the scenario of how you would confront him?

Based on past history, what kind of reaction would you get from him?

[Aim]

I studied, waivered but he came home in a good mood for the first time in 4 months. I read and read the SET and tried it then offering a suggestion on improving our marriage. I pretty much offered amnesty with the condition that we work together on finances. Add marriage counseling. Which we've
discussed and rejoin our finances. He is currently seeing a psychiatrist  and counselor. Divorce has been discussed  as well. He very recently  opened a new bank account,  bought a 45k car without my consent and removed his direct  deposit  out of our joint account. I brought this fraud part up as an issue that came up a few days ago( I found the paperwork) and I was trying to figure out what to do with. It was clear to me, but I prayed on how to take care of it. I told him either way, I was going to make it right with the insurance just returning the money, not seek revenge or harm to him. I asked him very gently if he filed a claim and signed my name to a check. He said yes. I could see his face change. I said I
didnt authorize that and asked him if he knew it's a felony to do that. I asked him for any other solutions and kept 100% calm.  He then said if I do that he will annihilate me. He will say I gave him permission
and signed stuff in the past(I have with permission). He said he will say I lied on our taxes and since we did it online and HE didnt sign. We always do them together. I said my plan was to return the insurance money only. The items are on our property. He knows I won't steal. I said I have no control of his choices. He was sitting there stunned but not raging. He did come home similar to being high. He said he was but on his new rx of aderall. We talked a bit but not usual rage. He kept lying saying I gave him permission and when I asked him why he's  doing that when it's just the two of us, he said I don't know if you are recording me.I was loving and kind, very kind. I read that if I  knew about the crime, I could be charged too. He has appt with counseling this morning and am hoping he has a chance to get support. It's like the behaviors  get weirder once you understand and detach. Not sure what to do, feels like either try which scares me into thinking he will push these boundaries.  I just started  setting and keeping a few months ago. It's been hell. Or go to the lawyer. I  told him my other option was to give everything  to the lawyer and let him deal with it. 

[worriedStepmom]

I think you ought to call a lawyer for advice.  You need to protect yourself legally, because you are now an accessory after the fact to fraud.

[Aim]

I agree. Any feedback on interaction? I don't feel very confident in understanding a lot.

I studied, waivered but he came home in a good mood for the first time in 4 months. I read and read the SET and tried it then offering a suggestion on improving our marriage. I pretty much offered amnesty with the condition that we work together on finances. Add marriage counseling. Which we've
discussed and rejoin our finances. He is currently seeing a psychiatrist  and counselor. Divorce has been discussed  as well. He very recently  opened a new bank account,  bought a 45k car without my consent and removed his direct  deposit  out of our joint account. I brought this fraud part up as an issue that came up a few days ago( I found the paperwork) and I was trying to figure out what to do with. It was clear to me, but I prayed on how to take care of it. I told him either way, I was going to make it right with the insurance just returning the money, not seek revenge or harm to him. I asked him very gently if he filed a claim and signed my name to a check. He said yes. I could see his face change. I said I
didnt authorize that and asked him if he knew it's a felony to do that. I asked him for any other solutions and kept 100% calm.  He then said if I do that he will annihilate me. He will say I gave him permission
and signed stuff in the past(I have with permission). He said he will say I lied on our taxes and since we did it online and HE didnt sign. We always do them together. I said my plan was to return the insurance money only. The items are on our property. He knows I won't steal. I said I have no control of his choices. He was sitting there stunned but not raging. He did come home similar to being high. He said he was but on his new rx of aderall. We talked a bit but not usual rage. He kept lying saying I gave him permission and when I asked him why he's  doing that when it's just the two of us, he said I don't know if you are recording me.I was loving and kind, very kind. I read that if I  knew about the crime, I could be charged too. He has appt with counseling this morning and am hoping he has a chance to get support. It's like the behaviors  get weirder once you understand and detach. Not sure what to do, feels like either try which scares me into thinking he will push these boundaries.  I just started  setting and keeping a few months ago. It's been hell. Or go to the lawyer. I  told him my other option was to give everything  to the lawyer and let him deal with it. 

[ForeverDad]

Truism often repeated here:
The best indicator of the future is the past.

It appears that for the marriage to continue, however much dysfunctional or unhealthy, you will always be struggling to deal with his assortment of misbehaviors.  Can you handle that emotionally and financially?

While we can't tell you what to do, most here who have faced our sort of continual challenges do eventually end the relationship.  (I'm speaking of those who end up here on the Divorce and Legal board, we do have other boards here and so not all relationships end.  Maybe those there get some level of lasting improvement?)  And many who delayed cutting the cord for years often express regret they didn't face reality and take action sooner, the extra time trying to make it work still failed.

Meanwhile, especially with him pulling his paycheck out and making threats about blaming you joining the fraud, keep your marital finances less entangled.  That way if the marriage does end, there is less to separate.