So confused

[Depression = 72% of members]

  I am not sure if I can still recognize an abusive partner. I don't want to be in this position where he thinks only taking his meds will do to maintain our relationship. I am tired. No, actually, I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I don't even know what to do or not. I feel trapped.

[bpdstolemyhub]

  I am not sure if I can still recognize an abusive partner. I don't want to be in this position where he thinks only taking his meds will do to maintain our relationship. I am tired. No, actually, I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I don't even know what to do or not. I feel trapped.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

I'm so sorry you are having such  a hard time in your relationship, yet I'm glad you found us.

We "get it".  I'm sure that your pwBPD (person with BPD) is totally serious when they tell you that a pill is "all it takes".

OK, we can help you but we're going to need some details to get you pointed in the right direction first.

Is there a formal diagnosis?  What kind of medication?  How long?  Can you tell a difference?

Are either or both of you seeing a therapist?

Can you give us an example of something that "isn't working for you"?

Life will get better for you soon!  Get ready..you have a lot to learn!

Best,

FF

[Cat Familiar]

I’m going to move your post to the Bettering board. There you will learn strategies to make your relationship less abusive and you can then decide your next steps.

[Harri]

Hi. I want to join formflier and Cat in saying welcome to the board.  We get it here and can help you as you navigate your way through your relationship/

Can you tell us more about your typical struggles?  What behaviors does your husband exhibit? 

I hope you share more as you settle in and get comfortable.  We have lots to read here too so make sure you check out the links tacked to the top of the board too.  One of the best things you can do to get started on helping yourself is to read and post in other threads.  Having a support system is hugely important and we often help ourselves as we help others.

Again,

[bpdstolemyhub]

Thank you. He has been diagnosed with both BPD and bipolar II. It all started about 4 years ago (after about 10 yrs of relationship, 7 yrs of marriage). He started getting unusually anxious although we were going through some rough times (work stress, college, a toddler and a baby, financially, family had moved away). His anxiety was reflected with anger episodes where he would lash out at us about anything (even looking at him) and depressive episodes where he would feel very guilty and would cut himself "to ease the pain". This started a series of hospitalizations and all of this came to me like a horror movie, we started seeing therapists. We were both referred to psychiatrists. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder (recurrent panick attacks) and he    received his current diagnosis. I was on meds for a year or so, up until 6 months ago by doctor's request. We stopped going to therapists about a year ago due to financial strains.

He is now in dissability and lost his job. This has added tension to me as the only "sane" to do everything (I hate to say that but that's how I feel). His typical living style is just sitting in front of a computer watching videos, or a couch watching tv, or in bed resting. He gets mad if I ask anything, even "how has your day gone?", he thinks Im being intrusive and controlling. He takes no part in raising the children anymore, everything bothers him (he used to be such a great dad!). And I realize Im using absolutes here, but I cant really remember the last time there was something 'good'.