We've been sitting down everyday and making phone calls and doing research about possible living options. We have been waiting for a call back from one specific person in regard to case management and senior housing in NY. She finally got a call back, but missed it. Yesterday, I offered to call back with her and she said she wasn't ready. I'm not forcing her, but she isn't really acting like she needs to make an urgent decision.
She keeps complaining that my SIL is stalling abd ignoring her with the hope that MIL will drop it and she wont have to make a decision. Fairly certain MIL is doing the same.
It is looking more likely that her only financially sound option is to go to Florida, but whether it is to her own house remains to be seen. If things change after she turns 62, we are open to revisiting the topic, but I don't think we have another year of this in us.
She asked if she never leaves her room if she can stay. Today, I was offered a new part time job and she asked if that meant she didn't have to move.
She also cried a few times because she said we told her before we got married that we wouldn't make her move. BUT a lot of transpired since then, but there is no way to explain that to her.
So they're not speaking, but she wants to go scout out the house. I'm not sure I see this going too well. Does she assume that you and H will be there to mediate?
This is so weird to my husband I. She typically rejects any idea of seeing him- unless she wants something or sees a way of gaining something in their interaction, but that doesn't happen often. It feels like she has this ssecret plan in her head and doesn't see any logical reason why it is a bad idea. Unless she decides to take back the house or uses this time to find a new place, I don't see any benefit to her going that specific week.
Also, I wonder where she plans to stay?
She says her house where SIL and triggering partner currently are! She plans on just showing up I guess cause they arent soeaking?
If she were to move back to the house for now, it wouldn't have to be her permanent FL residence long term right? If she's considering a senior housing in your area, could it be an option to sell the FL home down the road (so there's not too much change at once right now), and use the income from the sale to move into senior housing in FL
We've actually been toying with this idea!
What about managing her bills for her from afar?
My husband said he doesn't feel super comfortable doing it initially. He is inclined to let her do it and if she fails, let her face the consequences. He worries she will see it as him being too controlling and will see it as him taking her money. If she proves she can't do it, then he can take it over or have a third party? I didn't even know that was a thing?
We think we are going to talk to her tonight and give her a deadline for a decision as to where she wants to go. This whole PTSD with the house and her request to ride with ex-husband is really throwing us though .
does. Maybe she feels safe with you in the car? Maybe she's using her fear of him to justify not moving, when she's really just fearful of abandonment and can't verbalize that?
Maybe? Is there a logical way for us to figure this out- we know she probably won't be able to tell us, but maybe a way to clue in on which one? Or maybe both?
