Yikes, MIL BPD affecting our marriage

[researcher]

I have come to believe that my mother-in-law has BPD; certainly, she meets more than 5 of the 9 criteria. Unfortunately, it is destroying my wife and that has begun to affect our marriage.

I know I should not feel this way, but I despise my mother-in-law. She is, hands down, by an order of magnitude, the most difficult, destructive and (seemingly) manipulative person I have met in my 50+ years.

Thanks.

[Choosinghope]

Hi Researcher!  
Welcome to the group! I'm glad that you've found us. Just in my short time on here, I have learned and grown so much. Unfortunately, everyone on here has their own experience with loved ones like your MIL. This is a wonderful place to work through issues, learn, ask questions, and encourage other people.

To get a better idea of what you are struggling with, may I ask what your wife thinks of the situation? Does she agree with your assessment of her mom?

[pursuingJoy]

researcher,   I'd like to join Choosinghope in welcoming you!  

Chiming in here for a 'me too.' My MIL is undiagnosed BPD and it has a huge effect on my marriage. My MIL is mostly waif-like, needy, childlike and draining, but I'm currently painted black. I've seen a pretty extreme emotional range from waif to rage in the past 6 months. My H is enmeshed, really struggles to set boundaries and has a hard time dealing with FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). It's been a challenge to navigate my marriage with her in it.

I hate to hear that it's destroying your wife. I'd love to know what brought you here and like Choosinghope said, how is your wife processing this?

pj  

[Spindle0516]

Hey there, Researcher 

I too have an uBPD MIL and it also has a huge effect on my marriage. You are not alone!

I am going to echo PJ's and Choosinghope's questions. How does your wife feel about it all? I am curious what is happening now that lead you to reach out to us.