Have anyone's parents tried legal action to see grandkids?

[ProudDad12]

For reasons I'm still not sure of, last night an email from my mom didn't get filtered to deletion and I saw it. I didn't read it but my wife did (Pandora's Box is always too tempting). It was short, basically reading like a formal request for us to make arrangements for her and my sister to see our kids. It wasn't even signed "Mama" at the end, but with her proper name.

So aside from the emotional muck it stirred, and aside from the thoughts of "If your behavior and actions drove me to the emotionally devastating decision to go NC with you, how in the **** do you think I'd be OK leaving my kids with you?", I almost wonder in the back of my head if this is some sort of groundwork for some legal attempt to get time with our kids. My wife independently had the same thought. At some point it gets hard to draw the line between paranoia and reality. On one hand the formality could be just that, on the other hand it could be as simple as cold acceptance on her part.

Anyway, since I'm down this thought process already, has anyone here had the experience of their bpd parents trying legal action to break the NC in order to see the kids? I think we're OK, because in our state grandparents don't have legal rights as long as the household is stable, but the thoughts are still worrisome.

[Choosinghope]

Hi PD,

Unfortunately, I don't know. I have had concerns that my mom will try legal action against my H (she believes he is abusive and she knows that we have firearms in our home). Once everything started going crazy, I have been careful to document every interaction we have, whether that be saving emails, screenshotting texts, writing down phone conversations, etc. I have tried to keep a lot of our contact through writing because of that. I want to make sure that if she tries something, I have enough documentation to show that she's irrational and rather unstable at the moment. That is my best advice. Go back through and try to document what you can of your communication. I have no idea what your parents might be plotting, but it doesn't hurt to he prepared.

[GaGrl]

My husband's ex had made threats of seeking custody of the grandaughter, but she did not follow through. Her down history of arrests for domestic alterations with her boyfriends would have prevented any success in thatcendeavor.

Still, the threat was devastating and frightening to my step-daughter, who was a young mother and father naive. It took my husband and me both to explain to her how unlikely it would be that she could get much further than a filing. There were issues on top of her DV arrests -- we were not worried.

The value of protecting one's nuclear family is, to me, the greatest tool to keep handy.

[Methuen]

I almost wonder in the back of my head if this is some sort of groundwork for some legal attempt to get time with our kids. My wife independently had the same thought. At some point it gets hard to draw the line between paranoia and reality.

I so get the paranoia of imagining every worst case scenario in a situation.  It has kind of governed my life.  I haven't experienced this exact situation regarding legalities around grandkids, so I have nothing specific to offer there.

We think my H's sister could have some kind of PD.  She milks her live-in 87 yr old father for thousands of dollars every month.  We can see the bank records.  He tells us what his money goes to, and much of it benefits her, and a little of it actually benefits him.   My H tried for years to have conversations with her, but it's all about power and control.  It's hopeless to have a conversation with her.  Like Choosinghope, we have kept records, such as banking records, recorded telephone conversations, written records, etc.  We have tried intervening with health providers, but just when we think we have an advocate for FIL, the case worker leaves the position and the support is lost.  It's hopeless, so we just keep the records, should we ever come to need them.  

[Notwendy]

My mother has made veiled threats but I didn't go NC with her. My kids are older now and she contacts them on her own. She likes to think she's going behind my back and being sneaky but they tell me. I still cringe at how she communicates with them " I had a bad day today, you need to make me feel better" UGH. It's not their job to make her feel better. They just shrug it off. But when they were younger, I kept boundaries- she didn't know how to contact them except through me and when they spoke on the phone, I was there too.

I think it's good your state laws protect you. You can't stop her from taking legal action, but she would need to consult a lawyer and pay for it. If she has no rights in your state, it would not likely suceed but it would be stressful for you. I know the idea sounds awful but hopefully she won't take it that far.

[ProudDad12]

Thanks all, yeah we're definitely keeping records and saving what we can. I know I said I filter her emails to deletion, but more accurately I filter them to an archive folder I never go look at.

I do hope it's all just theorizing on our part, but we do want to be prepared. Coincidentally, my wife's cousin's (who also is one of my life long friends) wife is both a lawyer and went through BPD issues with her mom. So not only is she the only person I know in real life who can relate to what we're going through, but she also has a good legal perspective. So I take a little comfort there.