Is this Real?

[RSAJHB]

We had been together for 5 years when my wife gave birth to our first child. We had a perfect marriage and this was the next step. It was supposed to be such a magical time, but it wasn't. I was all of a sudden criticized and made to feel useless. I am hardly allowed to look after my daughter, especially without supervision. It feels like I don't know my wife anymore. She is nasty, short tempered, picks fights and holds grudges. all our family and friends are scared to come near her. She has quit her job and hardly leaves the house. We never have people over anymore. It has been 10 months of this and I am tired. Did giving birth trigger her BPD or was it dormant? I feel like I am living in a nightmare

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi RSAJHB:
I'm sorry about your situation.  It has to be very difficult for you. 

   Did giving birth trigger her BPD or was it dormant? I feel like I am living in a nightmare

Certain stressful life events can trigger BPD behaviors in some people.  Usually, it is with people who are already on the edge and have had issues with anxiety, depression or other mental health issues in their life.  They may not have ever had treatment for anything in the past, but perhaps their brain chemistry or wiring has put them close to not having the right balance at times.

A pregnancy changes hormonal levels and it's common for some women to have post-partum depression.  Can you convince her visit her doctor?  Some women may need to take an antidepressant for awhile.

How are things going?

[Las1604]

Like above, I'd be concerned about post partum depression. 5 years is a long time to go without showing any BPD signs. Maybe suggest that she talks to her doctor... it could seriously be post partum.

[Face of Melinda]

Hello! I'm sorry to hear. The first year of parenting is hard for most couples. But my best guess is that the BPD was there all along... I think there's a honeymoon period in the beginning where you just see brief glimpses of the issues but then it becomes really blatant after a stressor. And parenting is a stressor, pretty much from babies to toddlers to school stuff to middle school and teen years. Not to sound negative... Kids are wonderful ❤️ ... Don't be kept away from your baby no matter what kind of fit she has! If she criticizes you just say, you hear her point or she may be right and you want to have your Dad time.

[Las1604]

Hello! I'm sorry to hear. The first year of parenting is hard for most couples. But my best guess is that the BPD was there all along... I think there's a honeymoon period in the beginning where you just see brief glimpses of the issues but then it becomes really blatant after a stressor. And parenting is a stressor, pretty much from babies to toddlers to school stuff to middle school and teen years. Not to sound negative... Kids are wonderful ❤️ ... Don't be kept away from your baby no matter what kind of fit she has! If she criticizes you just say, you hear her point or she may be right and you want to have your Dad time.

I think that's very vague and we're not doctors we and can't diagnose. Honestly I'm a little upset, that's irresponsible. She should be checked for post-partum first. BPD does not have a honeymoon phase of years. You're warned, or see symptoms, etc well sooner before that.

This post really bothers me.

[Face of Melinda]

My apologies, perhaps I was jumping to conclusions and not thoughtful enough in my wording. I wouldn't want to suggest I could diagnose her or imply you need not  seek an evaluation for PPD or anything else.  By 'honeymoon' I meant that people can be in a relationship for years without really seeing the patterns and with circumstances just going fairly smoothly, but that may not be your case. I also think people can have PPD with or without BPD but I didn't really articulate that. Thank you I'm learning too! At any rate, best wishes for you and your family.