Unhealthy relationship with boyfriend

[Depression = 72% of members]

 
I had a huge fight the other day with my boyfriend who is BPD. He said some things that were definitely below the belt. It all started when I criticized his his plan to build a workshop to do finish carpentry.  There are many other layers to this fight. But, in response to feeling threatened by me, he told me (I'm 9 years older) that he might want to have children some day,  and this relationship is keeping him from that (even though he does not really take care of his own son, I do), I am diseased (I have an STD), I am lucky he is PLEASE READing me, and he could get someone younger and other hurtful things that I cant remember now. Afterward he apologized profusely, as usual. But this fight wounded me in so many ways. Is he lashing out, or is there a grain of truth to what he is saying. Just to note I am 47, I ran my own business for years, I have a college degree, two years sober, i am very very attractive if I choose to believe it, and i am super nice. Help. I need out of this relationship or I need to not feel this stuck in between feeling. P.s he was violent towards me in the beginning of the relationship so there is this undercurrent of fear.

[Karisa]

 
I had a huge fight the other day with my boyfriend who is BPD. He said some things that were definitely below the belt. It all started when I criticized his his plan to build a workshop to do finish carpentry.  There are many other layers to this fight. But, in response to feeling threatened by me, he told me (I'm 9 years older) that he might want to have children some day,  and this relationship is keeping him from that (even though he does not really take care of his own son, I do), I am diseased (I have an STD), I am lucky he is PLEASE READing me, and he could get someone younger and other hurtful things that I cant remember now. Afterward he apologized profusely, as usual. But this fight wounded me in so many ways. Is he lashing out, or is there a grain of truth to what he is saying. Just to note I am 47, I ran my own business for years, I have a college degree, two years sober, i am very very attractive if I choose to believe it, and i am super nice. Help. I need out of this relationship or I need to not feel this stuck in between feeling. P.s he was violent towards me in the beginning of the relationship so there is this undercurrent of fear.

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[Naughty Nibbler]

 Help. I need out of this relationship or I need to not feel this stuck in between feeling. P.s he was violent towards me in the beginning of the relationship so there is this undercurrent of fear.

Hi Karisa:
Contrats on 2 years of sobriety!  You sound like you have a lot going for you.

I'm thinking he likely felt invalidated.  People with BPD or BPD traits have a need to have their feelings validated (not necessarily agreement, but an acknowledgement of how they feel).  If you aren't able to validate someone, it's important to NOT invalidate them.

In hindsight, would you still have criticized his plan to build a workshop to do finish carpentry?  What is your concern in regard to a carpentry workshop?