Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
December 24, 2024, 09:23:51 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.
Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
222
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
Pages:
1
[
2
]
All
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8 (Read 1424 times)
UBPDHelp
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 794
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #30 on:
April 30, 2020, 10:00:55 PM »
Quote from: formflier on April 30, 2020, 09:44:23 PM
Let's be really "accurate" here in what we say.
You have opinions and can express them right now. That's not the issue.
The issue is having your hubby validate or agree with..or acknowledge that you have an opinion or even a right to the opinion.
Does the new version seem to "fit" better or does it appear I've missed the mark some?
Let's keep at it until we get it right!
Okay, I see it. I don’t NEED his validation or agreement with my opinion BUT I am stuck on needing him to accept that I am entitled to my opinion.
Can I have that?
Logged
UBPDHelp
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 794
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #31 on:
April 30, 2020, 10:07:33 PM »
Just another blip in the way to progress.
I get up earlier than everyone for different reasons. I get a lot accomplished before others are even out of bed. But, by noon, everyone is up and I’m hungry and ready for lunch. We’re trying to do at least one family sit down a day. H gets up late and wants to eat later. We discuss the time. I was compromising but he was not. I told him that I would go ahead and have lunch with anyone who was hungry and he could eat a little later when he was ready.
Then I went and made lunch for myself and 2 kiddos. We ate. H got really annoyed and started barking about what food he could eat, etc., and then came in kitchen, dumped out his coffee aggressively and basically coffee went everywhere. Nothing broken.
I said nothing and just left his mess. I ate my lunch. And then he ate his. He was really mad but I didn’t let him control me. Bummed about the coffee, glad he didn’t break anything and hope he is learning he can’t dictate what I can do.
We shall see.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #32 on:
April 30, 2020, 10:12:29 PM »
Quote from: UBPDHelp on April 30, 2020, 10:00:55 PM
Okay, I see it. I don’t NEED his validation or agreement with my opinion BUT I am stuck on needing him to accept that I am entitled to my opinion.
Can I have that?
No, not if you want to be free of his chaos. It’s enough that you know you’re entitled to your opinion. You don’t need him to agree.
Having lived with an abusive ex husband who was BPD/NPD and likely ASPD, I understand how your self esteem has taken a beating. But you know you’re capable and determined to make the best of the current situation for your children and yourself.
YOU DO NOT NEED THE APPROVAL OF A DISORDERED PERSON!
Obviously you want to live in as harmonious a situation with him as possible. One way to accomplish that is to let go of your needs to be seen, approved of, and validated by him.
That need keeps you in a submissive position with him. Why give away your power to someone who is undeserving and unreliable?
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #33 on:
April 30, 2020, 10:49:53 PM »
Quote from: UBPDHelp on April 30, 2020, 10:00:55 PM
BUT I am stuck on needing him to accept that I am entitled to my opinion.
Can I have that?
Yes..you are stuck on needing him to accept that you are entitled to your can opinion. I 100% agree with you here.
No..you can't have that.
I really hope you have have a long cup of coffee moment (or other favorite beverage) just on this one aspect.
Can you see that you are handing him the power by "being stuck" there?
What if...you believed you were entitled to (fill in the blank)...and that was enough. Anyone else's opinion would be a bonus.
Best,
FF
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #34 on:
April 30, 2020, 10:52:17 PM »
Please make sure that you don't ever clean up that coffee mess.
Let him come to terms with it.
Best,
FF
Logged
babyducks
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #35 on:
May 01, 2020, 07:38:07 AM »
Quote from: UBPDHelp on April 30, 2020, 09:25:33 PM
. That said, I could just leave when he changes the channel. I don’t know if he would get the message or just be happy I was gone.
you leaving is not meant to change his behavior ... deliver a message... win an argument.
you leaving is meant to make you more comfortable... less stressed...not contribute to the dysfunction... give you the opportunity for self care. if you are more relaxed and rested, less frustrated and resentful... the over all tension in the household will drop.
if...big if... he picks up a message from you leaving... that's a secondary benefit. you can't change your behavior and "heal" some one else. You can stop contributing to your own frustration.
Logged
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7501
Re: HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
«
Reply #36 on:
May 02, 2020, 11:50:22 AM »
* mod* This thread has reached its maximum length and is now locked. The conversation continues here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=344343.0
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages:
1
[
2
]
All
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
HELP - I’ve unleashed the beast, so to speak part 8
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...