Tsunami Sailor
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
|
 |
« on: April 28, 2020, 07:44:17 PM » |
|
My BPDw just flew off the rails today. There are a lot of excuses I can make for her, such as the COVID homeschooling of our young kids, the challenges of keeping them focused, the challenge of her staying focused, and some degree of cabin fever over the past 6 weeks. And I know she doesn't exactly choose the way she ends up venting by blaming and bullying. But, I'm at home and working in a stressful new job, too, and I'm doing a really good job by preparing breakfasts and dinners for the family and staying mostly upbeat. Of course, I am never nearly as upbeat as her manic days, and never nearly as down as her down days. Unfortunately, all the reading and all the tools in the world never seem to prepare me for her outbursts accusing me of hating her and my unwillingness to move 1000 miles because she thinks that state is the only one where it is warm enough, and beachy enough to make her happy. She has a maddingly narrow vision of the conditions that could make her happy, and it is only there. In the meantime, my job, and most jobs in my industry are where I live. Although I can work remotely in this job, I don't take anything for granted. I would prefer to live where I have a fallback option. Being in middle age and looking for a new job there likely means a different type of job, a few steps down the ladder, and significantly less income at a time I am the only one earning income in this family, and with kids still years away from college. There are practical factors that support staying put, but she is using her fibromyalgia almost as a weapon - saying that I am holding her back, telling the kids that if we moved, she would be able to work and earn money and would be happy all the time and a better mommy if we moved. It's hard to even get a word in when she is on her kick, extolling how perfect life would be if I would only listen to her. Nevermind my family who helps us a lot and lives nearby. Nevermind the kids' school and friends. Instead, the big beautiful house in a beautiful area where we live, and cold winters make the whole year a living hell. It was a hard day today, and she went on this tirade again. After around 20 minutes, she starts laying into how insensitive I am - that anyone with a heart who has been terribly insulted repeatedly - would turn around and say, "yes, honey, I understand, let's toss everything else aside because you believe that life will be blissful for us if we could only just move." It is really difficult to live with. It's challenging. She is cornering me in a situation such that the only validation she is looking for is for me to agree and say I'm all in with her plan to achieve happiness by moving. I don't know if she previously had success with this approach to get what she wants, but all it does is push me away. I respect myself and know I show deep respect for her - more than man would tolerate. I honestly don't know how to motivate myself to go face-first back into the underside of that lawnmower again. How can I approach her with anything but caution?
|
