Yes, please help.
My wife and I have 8 children. The eldest 2 left the house following her most recent outburst and departure. (She explodes and leaves, sometimes for hours or days - this time during the pandemic she was gone from last Sunday until Friday night and tried to demand I leave). For years her volatility and extreme outbursts were hidden behind closed doors. Only recently have a few other people seen behind the veil (but rather dramatically). She is not diagnosed because she refuses to attend any therapy/counseling individually or together. I am finally coming to terms with this situation in brutal honesty as I have glossed over reality with rose coloured glasses. I’m not perfect, and I’ve been known to say stupid things but nothing worthy of the physical, mental, and emotional abuse I have been receiving for years. I am 13 years sober because I got hung on false accusations that I couldn’t clearly recollect and I learned that lesson quickly. I cleaned up my side of the street and I’ve worked on improving our relationship and my own life since then. I’m looking for help and guidance for myself, not blaming her (I know it’s the BPD) but I also working mental health peer counseling and while it’s often easier to help others, sometimes it’s hard to look in the mirror and call the situation what it is when it’s your own situation. My wife has outrageous random outbursts, clearly meets 6 of the identifiers for BPD (with a seventh being debatable). The only traits she does not exhibit is physical self harm tendencies.
She returned on Friday presenting me with false allegations, delusional thinking, extreme passive aggressive actions, and a complete refusal to seek help, talk, or acknowledge anything was happening even while our two eldest children were not in the house (17 yr old packed up and left, I had to have 15 yr old removed to stay with friends after his physically attacked and injured me after her explosive outburst and departure). I was left stranded at home (she took the family van leaving us high and dry again) and unable to work for a week with 6 children trying to pick up the pieces again. Maybe I’m crazy but I still want our marriage and family to work. When it’s good, it’s great! But when it goes bad - wow. Any direction and support would be greatly appreciated. I am in western Canada and seeking my own counseling and I have a robust personal self care support network but some BPD specifics from coping families would be a God send right now.
Thank you in advance,
God grant me the serenity...
