Today was awful

[Turkish]

Joint legal and physical custody means shared 50/50. If 50/50 works for you, stating so, then that's specific. I was just surprised what my lawyer said. We filed with the court but didn't go to court, so in our case it was minimally conflixtual.

[ForeverDad]

Can you phrase it as you'd be the parent most able to handle being Primary Parent?  As my custody evaluator phrased it, "Mother cannot share 'her' child but Father can."

Eventually, when Trial Day arrived I was greeted upon arrival at the court house that she was ready to settle.  The custody evaluator had already recommended trying Shared Parenting first.  My lawyer and I had prepared for trial so my response was, "I'm okay with Shared Parenting (equal parenting time) but I will be the Parent Responsible for School Purposes or else let's proceed with the trial."  My lawyer insisted it didn't mean anything but I didn't budge.

Son was in kindergarten and I shared that news with ex's school.  They agreed to let son remain another couple months to the end of the school year.  However, ex did one too many scenes at school and a month later they gave me one day to register him at my school district.  If she had remained the school parent they would have been stuck with her.  Now that she wasn't in charge of school anymore they could get rid of their problem.

Another idea is to give some focus to what joint custody means.  Usually that refers to the legal matters such as school, religion, medical, etc and less about day-to-day matters such as the parenting schedule.  Joint means the courts expect the parents to share those decisions.  Well, pwBPD have a really hard time sharing and we often end up right back in court for those disputes.  How to address that?  Some states allow the concept of Decision Making or Tie Breaker status.  DM can even be split between parents, of course you would have the more meaningful decisions.

[Grady]

You are correct.  Joint doesn't automatically mean 50/50.

[yeeter]

Something my lawyer advised...  don’t prioritize a numerical split (like 50/50) above getting quality time

As things get contentious (like hey will), consider the cooperative dynamics and what can allow quality time with your children. 

Even if not as much as you would like ideally. 

Because a 50/50 time that is hostile and undermining is not as meaningful as a lower time that is supported by your ex

Of course there may be no time that is supported. In which case you just have to let the court determine it.