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Author Topic: SPED assessment? SD12  (Read 531 times)
kells76
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« on: June 03, 2020, 11:21:04 AM »

Got an email from the school that there's a meeting about SD12 next week. As far as I can tell from the paperwork (one a "Notice of Team Meeting" 2-pager and one a "Procedural Safeguards Notice" / parents' rights document), it is to set up either an IEP or 504 -- I think -- for SD12.

SD12 struggles academically, especially with anything written or using a writing implement to record alphanumeric stuff. It is taking her 10x the effort of a peer to produce 1/10x the work (just as a general picture). The school has her work w/ specialists for spelling/writing and for math. Spelling/writing is 2nd grade level from what I can occasionally see. Math is maybe more 4th-5th grade level, and she can perform operations immediately after learning them, but doesn't seem to retain learned info. Does OK-ish with multi-column addition/subtraction. Verbally she is totally fine and at grade level. Reading is also totally fine and at or a bit above grade. Auditory comprehension of instructions -- she understands what's being asked of her but "seems" to get distracted instantly. I try to spell things out for her really specifically if I ask her verbally to do 3 things, for example. Will sometimes/often need a reminder midway through.

The school often has her work solo because in groups she pretty much just gravitates to the peer interaction aspect and doesn't get work done. Will also ask peers for help with work vs asking the teacher.

All of that is for background.

A few strands to this:

1. This is all new to DH and I. What questions do we need to be asking and what is going to be important to bring up and get recorded here? DH is NCP so what are his rights as to input/direction? I know FERPA covers "inspect and receive school records" for the NCP in our state, but I don't know what's at play in a meeting like this.

2. Not looking forward to being "on the same screen" in the meeting. Looks like Stepdad was also invited, yay. As much as I can advise others here to just "be yourself" during meetings like this, I'm really dreading it. I think I'm dreading a performance from Mom/Stepdad about how much they care about SD12, everything they've done for her, they're so supportive, blah blah blah. So, how do DH and I not get sucked into the performance they're staging, where either implicitly or explicitly we're in the roles of "they didn't care as much as we did, they didn't support SD12 academically, Mom/Stepdad have shouldered ALL the burden of assisting, why didn't DH help more..."

3. I wonder if this is an opportunity to get SD12 back into counseling? Is this an appropriate venue for suggesting "hey, as long as we're talking about supports, let's make sure that a T is involved"? Like I said, never done one of these meetings before, so not sure.

4. More of a complaint... looks like Mom scheduled the meeting during DH's time with SD12 with no notice to DH. Sigh. Not sure whether to push back on that or not.
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« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2020, 02:14:14 PM »

The scheduling may have been the school district.

I wouldn't bring up counseling in this meeting until there is a concern that emotional difficulties are contributing to her issues.  If mom or stepdad start to go the route of "in the past, blah blah", I would try to immediately redirect to "What needs to be done going forward, and how can we each household support her?"  Y'all have already shown you can split up educational stuff among households - you are doing the heavy lifting with the math homework even over the phone.  So keep redirecting to concrete plans.

I would ask whether she needs to have additional diagnostics to see if she has any form of learning or cognitive issue, or if there might be ADHD going n.  Or she may need extra executive function training.  The school ought to have some resources to help.

Other than that, I'd want to know what the school recommends, why, and how that will affect both the way SD is taught and the way she interacts with her peers.
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GaGrl
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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2020, 02:57:26 PM »

My son was in sixth grade, almost 12 years old, when his school issues began to look like more than ADHD. I had him assessed by an independent educational psychologist (PhD), and his dad and I then worked with the school on interventions and accommodations.

In addition to ADHD, my son was diagnosed with dysgraphia, which is a neurological breakdown between information in the brain and the ability to get it on paper. It sounds similar to what you are describing with SD12. The educational psychologist exp!aimed it to my son as, " It's like your brain is a computer, and it's processing, processing -- but when it's time to print it out, the connection to the printer is broken. "

One thing that helps now with the condition is software that allows talk-to-text that can then be edited in MS Word. So essays, research papers, etc. contain a closer reflection of the thought process that gets lost when attempting to write by hand.

Another thought -- an assessment by an educational psychologist could uncover an emotional factors, and that could be included in the recommendations.

Hope my experience helps...
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kells76
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« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2020, 02:58:35 PM »

Thanks for writing back WSM!

Excerpt
I wouldn't bring up counseling in this meeting until there is a concern that emotional difficulties are contributing to her issues.

That makes sense. Maybe the route to take is asking a question like "how long will we try X new setup before we say it's working?" or "what signs should we be looking for that SD12 needs more support than the plan we make today?" Wording needs ironing out, but something like one of those?

Excerpt
redirect to "What needs to be done going forward, and how can each household support her?"

Helpful wording. I'll share that with DH.

Excerpt
I would ask whether she needs to have additional diagnostics to see if she has any form of learning or cognitive issue, or if there might be ADHD going on.  Or she may need extra executive function training.

As far as I recall, she did get privately assessed for exec function issues back in... 3rd grade, maybe? I think the report didn't find any. Will have to review it. That being said, it's been a few years, so it seems like it'd be appropriate and reasonable to get her reassessed for a small array of different possibilities -- right? I wonder if there is some type of "assessment to see if emotional difficulties are contributing"?

Excerpt
I'd want to know what the school recommends, why, and how that will affect both the way SD is taught and the way she interacts with her peers.

Also helpful. She's currently in a charter school (same as SD14) that is fairly "student driven learning" structured. I don't see her doing better in a mainstream classroom, though, because even though the opportunities for peer interaction/distraction might be fewer, I think she'd totally get lost in the crowd in terms of eyes on her learning.

  With affection (click to insert in post) Thank you  With affection (click to insert in post)
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kells76
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« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2020, 03:03:14 PM »

Hi GaGrl;

Excerpt
my son was diagnosed with dysgraphia

How did it manifest for him? One of the things we've noticed about SD12 for a long time was reversing certain #'s when she wrote them, even after lots of practice and even after finding and correcting some on the same page.

Excerpt
Another thought -- an assessment by an educational psychologist could uncover an emotional factors, and that could be included in the recommendations.

That's exactly what I was wondering. Like I mentioned, back when I think SD12 was assessed for exec function stuff, I think the report only talked about her relationship with Mom (who brought her in). So, hoping there's some type of "official" "household interaction assessment" (or whatever).

Is there a list of "typical incoming IEP assessments" somewhere? I think I remember hearing that Wrightslaw has to do with SPED law... but I'm really starting at ground zero.

Thank you too  With affection (click to insert in post)  With affection (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2020, 04:03:39 PM »

Reversing numbers and letters is more typical of dyslexia than dysgraphia, but you say she reads well and her comprehension is good. My son didn't reverse numbers and letters -- it manifested in 1) absolutely horrible handwriting, which is also typical of ADHD, 2) taking too long to complete written assignments, and 3) a gap between what he could demonstrate he learned via oral reporting vs. what he could demonstrate in writing.
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« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2020, 12:47:17 AM »

Hi Kells  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

I work in Special Education so may be able to offer some input.

1) The title of the paperwork, that you received, suggests that your SD's school team wants to meet to discuss a likely evaluation of her academic skills/deficits.  They probably want to discuss her current performance and figure out if and/or what appropriate evaluations should be undertaken.  They will likely be asking for parent consent to move ahead on an evaluation.  Typically permission from one parent is sufficient but schools almost always gain consent from both bio parents in cases of shared custody (only parents and legal guardians have the right to provide consent).  Parents always have the right to refuse an evaluation (but your child will then not receive any more help or support than she currently receives at school).

2) Yep - I can see how sharing the screen might be uncomfortable.  Let Mom/Stepdad do their "dog and pony" show if they need to.  Focus on the purpose of the meeting, helping your child and you'll be fine.  School teams are focused on the needs of the child.  We've seen it all and then some.  Your sincere interest and willingness to help your child will shine through regardless, authentic parent knowledge of and care for a child is obvious to educators (and we're honestly too busy to judge parents anyway - the focus is on what extra support the child needs in order to not struggle so much at school).

3) The school team likely have a strong idea already of what evaluations they are thinking of conducting prior to the meeting based upon your SD's academic performance.  They will likely be discussing what evaluations they think make sense and are there to answer all and any questions you may have about them.  Look at the names/titles of the specialists listed on your Team meeting notice - I'm guessing it has the classroom teacher, some kind of Academic/Learning Specialist and a School Psychologist?  The School Psychologist is likely going to want to do some testing around attention to rule out/in possible ADHD concerns.  They may want to take a developmental history too.   The Academic/Learning Specialist will likely want to administer a test to your child that looks at a learning disability of some kind. 

4) Please try not to be intimated by any of this process.  The school can't proceed on anything without your permission.  They are really your allies because they want to provide extra support to your SD.  Schools deal with difficult parents (typically not personality disordered) ALL the time.  This won't be their first rodeo regarding "uncomfortable" parent dynamics and a good team should be very sensitive and understanding.  That being said - these meetings by their very nature do tend to focus on the challenges that a child is experiencing and you may feel emotional or defensive hearing about some of your child's struggles.  It's ok to feel emotional and to admit to this at the meeting.  It's also ok to stop or pause a meeting and ask to reconvene if you really need time to process things.  Parents are in the driver's seat and not the school at the end of the day.

5) Insist on getting copies of all and any paperwork and or checklists that get handed out.  Present yourselves firmly as equal co-parents.  Mom and Stepdad may try to dominate at the meetings but calmly but firmly present as active and equal co-parents and do not let yourselves be browbeaten to take a back seat in the process.  If Mom is the only one getting paperwork up to this point - make it known to the team that you want copies of everything.

Feel free to ask me as many questions as you like about the process (although I have to warn you that I can't get into any specifics about learning issues without knowing your child - not professional)

Warmly,
B

P.S. The school district likely set the meeting time and at this stage in the year, we're running out of school days so likely had less options to work with.  I'd let that slide unless it's really inconvenient for you.  You should have been consulted about your availability though which makes me guess that Mom has firmly established herself as the first point of contact.  Again quietly but firmly push back on this perception moving forward. 
« Last Edit: June 04, 2020, 01:06:32 AM by Baglady » Logged
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« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2020, 04:59:14 PM »

Every teacher from kindergarten to third grad told me that my son was consistently distracted or distracting other children.  He wasn't misbehaving, just doing his own thing.  One example was that when they had the kids line up to go outside for recess he often drug his fingers along the wall.  His kindergarten teacher invited me to join his class for a half day a few times with strict admonition not to tell his mother since she was banned from the classroom.  The kids had an assignment before being released to recess and the teacher said, "Did you notice he wandered over to help another student and he was last to finish?  That's his pattern.  Distracting others and then himself."

In the middle of third grade, when he became 9 years old, when I was in court seeking legal custody, it seemed like he made a mental leap and all of a sudden he read by sentences and not words and overall improved.  I always have wondered how much was age related and whether me about to gain legal custody had much to do with it.

Good news is he's about to graduate.  School says he was in the top 9% of students.  I hadn't known that.

Young teen girls are especially at risk from what I've heard about ED.  However much puberty, self esteem, DNA figure into D12's issues, all I know is that it's very serious and can be a years long struggle.  My best hopes for her recovery and future.
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« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2020, 05:20:06 PM »

Hi FD, thanks for chiming in. I've wondered the same thing -- whether SD12 would have, or would've had, a better ability to focus if she were with us more and at (chaotic/unpredictable) Mom's house less. Wondering how much of how her brain is wired is nature vs nurture. But, I can't redo the past.

Excerpt
Good news is he's about to graduate.  School says he was in the top 9% of students.  I hadn't known that.

Good for him! Any college plans? Or take a gap year... with everything going on?

Excerpt
Young teen girls are especially at risk from what I've heard about ED.  However much puberty, self esteem, DNA figure into D12's issues, all I know is that it's very serious and can be a years long struggle.

"Fortunately" it's a special ed assessment, not an eating disorder assessment (which is what mama-wolf's D11 is in for). That being said... I know this sounds bad,  but sometimes I wish one or both of the kids were dealing with an ED, because at least then "everyone would agree it's serious" and there would be an experienced team of professionals looking at the family structure. As it is, "there are no problems at Mom's and everything is perfect and wonderful". Plus, "the kids don't think counseling helps". It's not like I wish there were an actual crisis that we all agreed was a crisis. But... you know.

We have a close friend who has worked in SPED for decades, so we plan to lean on her as well as we go into this. Just super grateful for this group and all the support.
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kells76
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« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2020, 05:33:58 PM »

Hi Baglady, thank you so much for sharing from your expertise!

Excerpt
schools almost always gain consent from both bio parents in cases of shared custody (only parents and legal guardians have the right to provide consent).

So DH is the NCP and Mom has full custody. In our state there's no "joint physical/sole legal" type splits. It's all or nothing. How would you see that impacting DH's role?

Also, from what I recall, stepparents technically have no legal relationship to step kids. I'm fine with that but Stepdad routinely calls himself "dad" and I wonder if he will try to wedge his way in. Would the assessment team be aware of that kind of stuff?

Excerpt
the focus is on what extra support the child needs in order to not struggle so much at school

I will try to make this my mantra, along with "what specifically can we do moving forward at each household to support SD12"

Excerpt
Look at the names/titles of the specialists listed on your Team meeting notice - I'm guessing it has the classroom teacher, some kind of Academic/Learning Specialist and a School Psychologist?

Classroom teacher: yes. Special ed consultant: yes. School principal: yes. Writing 1x1 instructor: yes.

No school psychologist or counselor on the list...

Excerpt
Insist on getting copies of all and any paperwork and or checklists that get handed out.  Present yourselves firmly as equal co-parents.  Mom and Stepdad may try to dominate at the meetings but calmly but firmly present as active and equal co-parents and do not let yourselves be browbeaten to take a back seat in the process.  If Mom is the only one getting paperwork up to this point - make it known to the team that you want copies of everything.

That's a good idea. Mom/Stepdad can't really oppose DH's higher involvement unless they want to make themselves look bad, I guess? We definitely need this pep talk. I'll try to encourage DH to just "go for it" as it were.

Thank you so much  With affection (click to insert in post)

I'll keep you in the loop with what happens and if/when we have more questions... which I'm sure we will.
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« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2020, 05:41:04 PM »

OK, so, SD12 did get an assessment by a dev/behavior MD about 3 years ago, in which it was recommended that Mom ask for an IEP.

She did a 3 named assessments (I can PM if anyone is interested in specifics) and 3 other nonspecifically named evaluations. Scores did not indicate dyslexia, but did point to a spelling LD, and possibly (though not definitively) ADHD-Innattentive and exec function difficulty.

So, I'm guessing that there's no "rule" that if SD12 has been assessed with a certain tool in the past, it can't be done again? I.e., OK, we tested her for ADHD back then, but let's test again now, just in case?
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« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2020, 06:31:31 PM »

Hi Kells,

In my experience (bear in mind it varies from state-to-state), I believe that both bio parents are treated equally when it comes to the paperwork (regardless of custody set up - unless there is a strong legal reason not to involve a parent - conviction for child abuse etc.).  Stepparents are very welcome to provide input but legally bio parents/legal guardians call the shots.  Any assessment team worth their salt should be sensitive to any tricky dynamics involved with blended families and it is my sincere wish that you have a good school team!

It's interesting to me that a school psychologist/counselor isn't involved in the process given that there are ADHD concerns to either rule in/or rule out.  I'd ask about that at the meeting.

Your H has the legal right to all copies of any paperwork as the bio dad.  No ifs and buts about it.

The only rule regarding assessments is that you typically can't administer one twice within the same calendar year but it's fine to retest after 3 years using the same tools.  I think it would be a good idea to share a copy of the previous assessment with the school team if you are comfortable doing so.   The information is outdated but it does present a case for academic issues of long standing that will help inform the decision about whether your SD qualifies for an IEP or not.  If, as part of an assessment, the team wants a checklist filled out by parents - please make sure that you fill out a copy and Mom and Stepdad do their own.  Don't let them try to fob you off by having only one set of parents fill out the paperwork.  Be friendly but firm and try to focus on your SD's needs - rather than Mom and Stepdad's antics - likely easier said than done!

Warmly,
B
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« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2020, 11:05:34 PM »

Hi Kells,

I second what Baglady has said in her posts.  If this is a referral for a special education evaluation, I would think a school psychologist would be at the meeting.

I also think it would be very helpful for the school (and you/your H) to have a copy of the MD's report.  Was that report shared with the school originally?  If the MD is recommending an IEP, I would think the school would have had a meeting to discuss whether to evaluate for special education at that time.  Every school district is different, but when an MD refers, the special education team usually at least meets about it with the parents to decide whether to evaluate for an IEP.

Re:  emotional functioning.  It could be worthwhile for you to request the school evaluate in emotional functioning.  If your SD is having severe challenges academically, it could eventually affect her self-esteem.  You would want to know that and advocate for emotional support in the school system if needed.
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« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2020, 11:50:09 AM »

In the public school system that flagged S18 (he was 9 at the time), there was a process that was called SST (can't remember what it stood for), but I'm not sure if that's a federal thing or state.

It was a pre-504 and/or IEP process to see if different interventions might help with teacher input and parent approval.

I initiated a private eval because I felt there was likely a psycho/emotional/social aspect to his struggles and the school psychologist would only be looking for things related to academic performance, which is how it was explained to us at the time.

That's how we got then S10 in to see a psychologist. The school used her report, and had their own speech pathologist and occupational therapist involved in observing him.

Is SD12's charter school a public one?

S18 attended a private school, a public one, and a public charter. There were more resources with the public elementary/middle and they followed protocols more closely. The charter school was a disaster when it came to SPED, and the private school tended to outsource their concerns = greater financial burden on the parents.

This is a good source of information if you want to understand how things work: https://www.wrightslaw.com/

As for the PD component, ugh. Your families seem to be more in the "pretend we get along" camp, which has its own challenges. In my situation, we did most of our meetings separately except for the ones that involved all parties, like when it was decided S10 would have a 504 instead of an IEP. He was also considered gifted, which was the part that n/BPDx fixated on. He seemed to think having a 504 was an insult that undermined the gifted label. If we had pretended to get along, I probably would've prepared questions in advance, sent them early, then just listened in the meeting. And ask follow-up questions after the fact to the person who handled the case work.

Do you think that mom/step dad would approve an outside psyche eval? Ours cost a lot but it was partially covered by insurance.

Do you think you'll be on the same page about medication?
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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2020, 09:04:21 AM »

It went fine...

Mostly what I was worried about was that Mom would obstruct DH picking up SD12 (the meeting started right at the start of his PT). He was able to get SD12 a bit early and then we 3 were together on the screen for the meeting. So, relief.

The "Special Ed Consultant" wasn't someone I recognized (and I don't think she knew SD12). She came across kind of abrasive and insensitive (i.e., saying stuff like "I think S12 has a learning disability" when SD12 was right there in the meeting, "Wow, there's a LOT of paperwork for SD12, it took me a long time to go through it all", etc). Ugh.

The first question she asked was whether anyone thought that there could be anything impacting SD12 psychologically that would contribute to her attention/focus issues. I wasn't about to say "Well, I think the persistent covert conflict is doing it" in front of everyone, but then again, Mom/Stepdad didn't say anything, either.

To her credit, Mom tried to be very supportive of and positive about SD12 during the meeting, so that was good. Stepdad just talked about himself ("You know, I have a LD, and I just always wished that someone would help me with it, blah blah blah"). DH and I asked SD12 if there was anything she wanted to say or wanted people to know, and she said no.

SD12's classroom teacher was pretty good; she did openly acknowledge the attention/focus/writing issues and also made the point that this meeting is about getting SD12 resources not just for now, but for the duration of her schooling. She also commended SD12 for taking part in the meeting about her education.

SD12 will get evaluated for writing type stuff over the summer, as far as I understand. I did ask the SPED consultant to make sure to send the paperwork to DH and I for records/review. She'd asked "which parent wants to sign the consent" and of course Mom raised her hand right away. DH said "that's fine".

I think my only follow up question would be if the eval specifically looks for dysgraphia.

We talked a bit about the meeting with SD12 afterwards. Asked if there was anything she liked/disliked about it, and she said "my butt hurts from sitting on this chair the whole time". We asked if she noticed what her classroom teacher said about "forever and ever", and I think she said "not really", so we tried to make the point that the meeting was about OK, the school has sort of been unofficially doing some stuff that helps you -- like voice to text headphones, etc. Schools have to be super sure that they aren't just saying they're doing something helpful but it doesn't help. So they have to have these meetings and do evaluations to be sure they're actually helping. Then, once they find stuff for you that helps (like headphones, or a calculator), and make it official, then if you go to another school like for high school, the teacher can't just tell you "you can't use that stuff" if it does actually help.

Hoping that normalizes it. SD12 isn't a big talker about this kind of stuff, so we'll see if it comes up again.

Did get a Freudian slip moment of SD12's mom calling me SD12's mom.
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« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2020, 11:53:54 AM »

Happy that it went well Kells.  I wondered how it went for you.

Just for what it's worth, I don't usually recommend having a student of this age attend a SPED meeting typically only because they have to listen to their deficits being laid out and discussed.  Difficult for anyone to hear and hard on one's self-esteem, I'd imagine.  It's also easier for the teachers and parents to be more honest about the struggles that the student is experiencing if they aren't present.  Legally, a student doesn't have to attend a SPED meeting until they are 16 years old - just FYI.   Sounds like your daughter took it all in stride though and good for her!

Sorry that your SPED Consultant was so obnoxious. Also, it is highly unprofessional to predetermine a student's disability (i.e. a learning disability) before actually evaluating them.  Typically, a team can hedge and say that we *suspect* a possible learning disability may be in play but we have to evaluate to be sure.

So I'm still confused.  The consultant openly acknowledged that SD has focus/attention issues but are these areas being evaluated at all?  Or is it just the writing skills?   Is a School Psychologist doing any part of the evaluation? Sorry - I keep getting hung up on this because the team is obligated to evaluate in all areas of suspected disability.  They can't just ignore these concerns especially if they have been actually discussed at an evaluation planning meeting. 

The Freudian slip - LOL!

Warmly,
B
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« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2020, 12:32:01 PM »

She came across kind of abrasive and insensitive (i.e., saying stuff like "I think S12 has a learning disability" when SD12 was right there in the meeting

Oof.

The first question she asked was whether anyone thought that there could be anything impacting SD12 psychologically that would contribute to her attention/focus issues

Wth. That doesn't seem like the kind of question that would ever go well for divorced parents... not to mention SD12 sitting there? Isn't that for a school psychologist to determine?

I asked SD12 if there was anything she wanted to say or wanted people to know, and she said no

SD12 seems pretty clammed up like my son was at that age. I wonder if there's a way to ask questions that open her up more. I had to be in the car with (then) S12 and have an opinion about something that was ... safer... than the pressing topic. And wonder out loud how I would feel, even if it was to say that I felt a little ambiguous about it, at least for now until I could sort it out. Sometimes, the times S12 talked the most was when I was describing in the heat of the moment my own feelings about something, especially if it involved me making a mistake. 7 years later and he's pretty good at describing his feelings which is no small thing for a kid on the spectrum so I know that these small steps can add up to miles of road behind us.

I think my only follow up question would be if the eval specifically looks for dysgraphia

That's a great question to ask. When I look back at our experience with SPED, the glaring issue was me not asking more questions about the tests. Dyslexia runs in my family but it never occurred to me to ask for a specific test. I just figured it was part of what was being tested for.

And I felt furious years later when my son's psychiatrist implied he was on the spectrum. All these tests, all these professionals, all these interventions and not once did anyone suggest that S18 might have what was then called Asperger's. It really pissed me off that people tap danced around the diagnosis, especially during years of his life when there were many more programs available. I still don't understand why professionals didn't suggest having the specific eval done for Asperger's if that's what they suspected.

We talked a bit about the meeting with SD12 afterwards

What would've happened if you shared with her what you said here, that the consultant was kind of abrasive?

Did get a Freudian slip moment of SD12's mom calling me SD12's mom.

 Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2020, 06:46:06 PM »

Do you have a person to contact for follow-up comments and questions?  That may be a good opportunity to voice concerns too awkward or improper during the group session?
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« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2020, 10:00:31 PM »

Hi Livednlearned,

Regarding your son's possible diagnosis of Autism, it's actually not uncommon for school teams to see some criteria in a student that may fit this diagnosis but regardless the school might not pursue this eligibility for a student if a better one fits the student's academic needs.  There is a difference between a medical diagnosis of autism and an educational eligibility under autism.  Schools look at the SPED eligibility criteria that best describes a student or that has the most academic impact.

For example, I currently serve a hearing impaired student.  He qualifies under the category of hearing impairment for an IEP.  Over the years, it's becoming clearer that he may be demonstrating some criteria that could possibly fit a diagnosis of autism but not all.  He's socially awkward and a little quirky but he has some friends and he is an A+ student.  The major impact on his academic performance is due to his hearing loss.   So currently, he qualifies for extra support under the category of hearing impairment.  If down the road, his social interactions deteriorate to the point that it's affecting his academics then a team may look at autism but I highly doubt it to be honest. 

The fact that your team never went there, so to speak, could possibly be due to the fact that your SD was so high functioning that he wouldn't have met all of the necessary stringent school criteria to meet eligibility.  He could still be eligible to receive a medical diagnosis.  Schools have some students with medical diagnoses of autism who do not qualify for SPED support.

Hope this helps answer your puzzlement.  I get it that SPED procedures can be absolutely mystifying and if you have had a lousy SPED team it just makes it all worse.

Warmly,
B.

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« Reply #19 on: June 17, 2020, 08:21:45 AM »

It's so helpful having someone here who knows how SPED processes work  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

The fact that your team never went there, so to speak, could possibly be due to the fact that your SD was so high functioning that he wouldn't have met all of the necessary stringent school criteria to meet eligibility.  He could still be eligible to receive a medical diagnosis.  Schools have some students with medical diagnoses of autism who do not qualify for SPED support.

We paid for a private psychological evaluation to get at the non-school issues, so that's where my main frustration began. The school actually suggested OT independently (suggesting to me ASD for sensory issues now that I look back) but they sort of left it up to (then) S10 to make his way over to the room and something about that never worked out. It came across to me as tossing things against the wall to see what stuck so if there was a strong sense from the OT that there was ASD, it wasn't communicated.

I guess the point is that there are a ton of cracks for things to fall through in SPED processes and when you're a parent on the outside trying to understand what's happening inside the black box (meaning dealing with a high-conflict co-parent), it can be bewildering.

Years later S18's wonderful psychiatrist/psychologist, who my son adores (me too) let it slip one day that he saw signs of ASD, and had for years, and I felt exasperated to hear about this so late. It's hard to have so many therapeutic professionals involved and discover that people thought this or that and no one said anything. Even my T, when I expressed my distress about this, said, "I thought you knew." I mean GAH.

kells76, I guess the point of this hijack is to drill down into what the school actually focuses on, and what other professionals focus on, and ask lots and lots of questions.  When your SPED case manager consultant person asked about other potential psychological issues, maybe that's worth a follow-up email -- what would that information tell her and how would it direct any kind of treatment of potential eval, if it would impact things at all. I can't remember the source, but I came across a batch of studies about the percentage of moderate to severe issues that kids with BPD parents have and how it impacts not just their performance in school but also peer relationships. There is also the body-based trauma theorists (both psychiatrists and psychologists) who believe a lot of the symptoms we treat, including dyslexia and ADHD, result from chronic childhood trauma.

Excerpt
I get it that SPED procedures can be absolutely mystifying and if you have had a lousy SPED team it just makes it all worse.

I'm not even sure the SPED team was lousy. I think it's part of being on the outside of the ... psychology industry, for lack of a better word. This stuff affects our families so much and we only really understand the tip of the ice berg. It's frustrating to think you're going all-in only to discover you didn't even know what questions to ask.

I don't blame the schools, I think it's just a learn as you go process that can beat our families up even while we're trying so hard to heal them.
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« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2020, 11:11:39 AM »

Hi all, sorry this is late

Excerpt
Just for what it's worth, I don't usually recommend having a student of this age attend a SPED meeting typically only because they have to listen to their deficits being laid out and discussed.  Difficult for anyone to hear and hard on one's self-esteem, I'd imagine.  It's also easier for the teachers and parents to be more honest about the struggles that the student is experiencing if they aren't present.  Legally, a student doesn't have to attend a SPED meeting until they are 16 years old - just FYI.   Sounds like your daughter took it all in stride though and good for her!

Good to know that there's a set age... just wasn't sure. Our friend who works in SPED in a local middle school suggested having her attend, so I guess it could go either way? I do kind of wish it had been just the adults, after hearing the consultant be so negative  Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)

Excerpt
Is a School Psychologist doing any part of the evaluation?

Not that I've heard. We haven't seen any of the requested forms "for records and review" via email; or, at least, I haven't. I need to just ask DH to do a follow up email, but I've been putting that off... it's that old feeling of not wanting to crack open any doors for Mom/Stepdad.

Excerpt
That doesn't seem like the kind of question that would ever go well for divorced parents... not to mention SD12 sitting there? Isn't that for a school psychologist to determine?

Yeeeahhh... if I do ask DH to send the follow up email, the "go for it" side of me wants to ask about that: "I'm confused about the initial question about psychological concerns/observations -- I didn't see School Counselor on the meeting list or at the meeting, and I thought he would be there if that were an issue". Also "wanting" to make statement that "With our separated family structure, and SD12 there in the meeting, a question about psychological issues isn't going to go well..." but I'm also just kind of worn out right now, so I don't know if I'll be that "punchy".

I also kind of want the follow up to go just to SD12's classroom teacher, Tier 3 instructors, and maybe the principal. I don't want to include Mom/Stepdad and I'm not super excited about the SPED consultant, but she at least probably should be on the email.

Excerpt
What would've happened if you shared with her what you said here, that the consultant was kind of abrasive?

I feel like the "theme" for my stepparenting right now is "bring it up and talk about it" -- which is good, but I'm just tired. So, haven't followed up with SD12. I know I "should" and I'm wiped out.

Excerpt
drill down into what the school actually focuses on, and what other professionals focus on, and ask lots and lots of questions.

I'll try...
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« Reply #21 on: June 24, 2020, 12:07:35 PM »

Hi kells76,

I work as a school social worker, and so here's what I would suggest. I would request an IEP evaluation. Request that the school do as much testing as possible. If you request this, they're generally going to feel obligated to oblige. More testing is simply going to get you more information, which will in turn allow you to better help your daughter. Don't request 504 testing. Go the IEP route. If she doesn't qualify for an IEP, she can still qualify for a 504. Also request social/emotional testing. If that testing shows areas of need, then you'll be able to eventually request that she receive mental health support at school.
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« Reply #22 on: June 24, 2020, 12:28:18 PM »

Hi Kells  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

(Kaufmann - the meeting that the SPED team just had was an IEP evaluation team meeting so that process of evaluation has been initiated- just FYI  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It seems that the SPED is bringing up concerns that aren't being evaluated - specifically the ADHD issue.  That is a huge red flag for me - especially considering that a previous medical statement exists that also points to this possibility.

Kells - I get your exhaustion  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)  Schools are out for the summer so that does buy you some time.

You can set up your own email communication with the SPED team (separate from Mom/Stepdad).  I'd politely ask them not to share your email with the other parent and allude to some vague "tension" with the other parents without going into specifics.  SPED teams should be familiar with the complex dynamics of blended families.

The questions that you wrote in your email are terrific questions to ask and not at all punchy!  (I would not however remark on the abrasiveness of the consultant - you want her as an ally for now at least while things play out.  Don't want to put on her the defensive - at least at this point.)

Can I make an observation?  I notice some real fear and trepidation in you about your communications with the SPED team.  I sense a lot of tip-toeing and fear that seems to be going a lot further than the dread of the Mom/Stepdad song-and-dance routine.  I so get that you don't want to set them off etc. and that interactions with them have beaten you both down (so get it - believe me Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post) )  but I also sense some extra trepidation and a surprising lack of confidence in you both around your natural rights as a bio and stepparent to your daughter.  You two are the stable force in her life, you both have the intimate understanding of the tricky dynamics that she has to juggle not Mom/Stepdad.  I'd love to see you step up and own that power or at least claim half of it that is owing to you!  It seems to me that in the absence of doing so that Mom/Stepdad are readily stepping into the vacuum and running the whole show.

Kells - you are asking all the right questions and your intuition and knowledge of your daughter's struggle is invaluable.  Please trust yourself in this process.

Hoping that I'm not being to forward or "abrasive" here  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

Warmly,
B
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