New teenage sister

[IvyB]

As I deal/process the pandemic and racial injustice, I had another more personal event that shook my already precarious mind. I stopped contact with my uNPD father & grandparents almost 2 decades ago. My mother is uBPD and after their divorce, I sided with her and we moved half way across the country and started afresh. I was 18 and I don't regret the no-contact decision, it allowed me to heal and be where I am today, successful and happy. My memories of my father are painful, comments like "you'll amount to nothing" were rampant.

As an aside, more recently, I'm in therapy and better understand my moms uBPD (and fathers uNPD), as well as my complicated childhood with both of them. I realize now that my father's belittling is a sign of NPD, but the scars it caused still exist today.

A few days ago, I got an email from my half sister. I've never met her but vaguely knew of her existence, she must be a teenager now. She wrote about our father and grandparents and how wonderful they are and how they miss me, my grandfather is dying of cancer and she's always wanted to know me.

This is dredging up my childhood, guilt, anger and a slew of other painful emotions. I realize that all of the scars I have from my uNPD father will never be fixed, he just doesn't get how much he hurt me and he never will. He is angry at my no-contact. That gap between us will never be fixed, and for that reason he can't be in my life.

On the other hand, this new half sister is a child and not responsible for what I experienced. If she's reaching out, I'm wondering if she needs help. Help that I wish I had gotten at her age. But dealing with my moms uBPD and my own trauma is crippling enough, and I feel emotionally drained. I have no desire to reconcile with my father or grandparents, but I'm less clear on how to handle this new half sister.

[zachira]

It is so hard to know what to do when you have strong mixed feelings. On one hand you might like to get to know your half sister and then again it may bring back to life the painful past with certain family members. Know that you do not have to make a permanent decision now. You might tell her you are not sure if you are ready to meet her right now and perhaps would like to do so in the future.