It's over but you guys ever feel its so hard to let go?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

New to this forum, long time lurker but i feel i need to express myself and only you guys may understand.

Was in a 2 year relationship broke up 3 months ago, I didn't even know what BPD was until a colleague of mine mentioned it to me at work after i told him what happened and the crazy PLEASE READ my ex put me through. I swear the idealization phase lasted around 3-4 months just as you guys discussed. I'd notice if I did something like dose off or wasnt feeling being in some club she'd bring me into, she would overthink and think im checking out other girls? and huge arguments would come out of it and she'd go out and flirt with random guys to try and piss me off and bigger fights would start... Also is it normal for them to have dreams of you cheating on them and going berserk? Makes no sense her dreams were like once a day. I'd be at work and get a text out of the blues saying she saw me cheating on her and this would cause huge ass fights. I'm honestly just trying to make sense of all this, I put up with it for 2 years thinking she's just a bit crazy until i got discarded 3 months ago and i been snooping around these boards for answers.

[johnblaze504]

New to this forum, long time lurker but i feel i need to express myself and only you guys may understand.

Was in a 2 year relationship broke up 3 months ago, I didn't even know what BPD was until a colleague of mine mentioned it to me at work after i told him what happened and the crazy PLEASE READ my ex put me through. I swear the idealization phase lasted around 3-4 months just as you guys discussed. I'd notice if I did something like dose off or wasnt feeling being in some club she'd bring me into, she would overthink and think im checking out other girls? and huge arguments would come out of it and she'd go out and flirt with random guys to try and piss me off and bigger fights would start... Also is it normal for them to have dreams of you cheating on them and going berserk? Makes no sense her dreams were like once a day. I'd be at work and get a text out of the blues saying she saw me cheating on her and this would cause huge ass fights. I'm honestly just trying to make sense of all this, I put up with it for 2 years thinking she's just a bit crazy until i got discarded 3 months ago and i been snooping around these boards for answers.

[cosmical]

I can relate to the dreams. At the end my ex would dream that I gave her STDs, even though we'd been active for months and I got tested for her (she didn't get tested for me, even though she had 3x as many partners). It's kinda crazy, she didn't outright blame me but she would keep brining up these dreams in an accusatory manner, like "I had these dreams so you better explain yourself!". It was extremely insulting. I tried to remind myself that she was not in control of these feelings but I couldn't completely block it out.

All part of the devaluing process

[johnblaze504]

I dont get it though, are these dreams real or are they actually just messing with us?

[daze507]

John, what a pwBPD feels, it's absolute reality for them, even if it doesn't make any damn sense. That's why you can't make them change their mind with rational thinking and that's also why it's kind of pointless to try interpreting their actions and words.

[cosmical]

I dont get it though, are these dreams real or are they actually just messing with us?

I had no doubt that the dreams were real. She was aware of her BPD so at first she would tell me about them in "this is stupid... why is my mind doing this to me?" kinda way. Then a few weeks later she brought them up again and it was obvious she was fishing for info and I actually had to say no I haven't slept around on you. Not long after I was discarded. None of this is them messing with us it's just their reality they have to live in.

[johnblaze504]

It all seemed surreal to me. One moment she says she loves me next moment we broke up. And the cycle repeated itself so many times I swear I got recycled probably 40 times until I gave up I just blocked and deleted her one day after a fight after she told me I wasnt raised right. I was pretty angry I had enough at that point I hated being abused. 2 weeks later shes got a replacement.

I noticed too that she got into abusing drugs and the more she did it the less rational she became, does that affect how they devalue you as well?

[Thebiglimp]

Just to reply to the topic, the last 3 weeks since getting dumped has been hell. Not knowing just what the hell happened and why. But today, since armchair diagnosing her condition then finding this forum i finally have my piece of mind. In the knowing that what she was offering me (it ended in the honeymoon phase) wasnt real. Its but a sand castle, a child's version of love, and once the sun was set all i would have left was the muck that was already slowly surfacing and drowning me with its abuse and illogic.
As much as i didnt deserve to lose it i also didnt deserve to keep it. This is what i keep telling myself. Because it wasnt real love from her and theres no value in that.