Acting out sexually

[BDR]

Wife of 20 years has a history of binging eating disorder bout of depression bouts of fitness had an affair a couple years ago begin to focus on her time and energy on her luxe in her body I was never able to discontinue the affair and when she did or tried to she started to seek out other younger man some 15 to 20 years younger having random sex in random places .

She would deny everything  and blast me for the accusation even though I had proof as I eventually started to track her movements and used recording devices because I thought it was going crazy . Even when I would catch her she had a very instant however excuse and would make me feel like I was the crazy one .

she is now in a treatment center we have been separated about one month , but I do not see any way this marriage will last . I also have huge financial debt from her been spending and hiding credit cards . Has anyone else ever experienced this type of behavior- to me it seem like she was under some kind of spell  A very restless spirit . It was like she was going to do this stuff no matter what the cost?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

You've been through a lot, BDR. That's a lot to go through in a marriage.

What led to her receiving treatment in a center? Is she being treated for BPD behaviors?

A month is a long time when you've been together 20 years. How has the month been for you?

[Brooklyn1974]

Yes my BPD wife cheated twice.  She is in her early 40s the one was a 70+ year old man (who is very obese).  My wife is very attractive.  Though she said she did not have sex or kiss him, she admitted to sexting (she could have easily done more and lied).  This is a guy who works in the same building as her and who is married.

Credit cards?  I helped with over $20k+ of them.  Maybe women BPD follow the same sort of pattern with some of their behaviors?  It's draining not just emotionally but in every which other way.  Just waiting for the next 'bad surprise' to happen.  It sort of feels like chasing around an unruly teenager telling them to stop their bad behavior while they continue to run away from you laughing.  

[BDR]

Yes - I agree. year 7 into marriage she broke down and confessed she was bulimic and I had no clue . I sent her to rehab x 8 weeks and Jesus healed part of her, but she was never willing to completely surrender this hidden part of her . In early years she would rage at my step son and call me at work to come home because they had a huge blow up . She would lash out and hit him until he got older and started to rebel, then we went through hell and back with him and I was the blame for all of it . His story is a miracle as we fought hell and drug addiction through his late teens and early 20's - he is 27 now and an outstanding young man with his own family.