I Miscarried Our Baby and Now He’s Disappeared

[paperinkart]

Hi everyone.

I found out I was pregnant early last week (surprise!). I had been on birth control and we were both very scared of pregnancy, but when it happened, he took it extremely well. Was very kind, caring and attentive. He even started talking a little about how great it would be to have another little baby (he already has a son from his first marriage).

Anyway, I started bleeding pretty much right away after I found out so I wasn’t too hopeful it was going to last. He had a trip planned as a little vacation, and was planning to just be gone over the weekend. I told him to still go, because it didn’t make any sense having both of us stay home and worry.

He was so sweet the first few days he was away- texting all the time and calling when he could. I ended up miscarrying on Saturday and he messaged me all night that he was so sorry, he felt so awful I was alone, he wished he could be there to hold me, and he would be back after the weekend.

I was obviously very emotional. He checked in on Sunday morning to see if I was okay. Then Monday he told me his sister was headed up near him and he was going to “maybe hang around a few extra days”.

Normally, that’s totally fine and I wouldn’t mind at all but I was still dealing with this loss and a lot of emotions. I pushed back a bit and sent a message that kind of said “I want you to have fun and have a great trip but I was hoping you’d be back by now.” I told him I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I was really hoping he’d be back to comfort me after because I knew it was going to be hard.

Anyway, he didn’t reply to the message. I didn’t hear anything all day until he called me at 10:30pm Monday night. We had a little chat and he asked how I was doing. Then he told me he hadn’t really thought about the miscarriage much at all. I said he was lucky he could remove himself from it and not think about it. Then he firmly said again “I’m just not thinking about it”, which I took to mean that he was trying to block out his emotions so he didn’t want to talk about it, so I dropped it. We were in the middle of talking when we both lost service. I kept trying to call back but it kept getting disconnected. I sent another message right after saying that “I hope we can talk soon. Thanks for calling”.

He didn’t reply to that. I didn’t hear from him again all day yesterday. Sent another message yesterday evening and as of this morning, he hasn’t read it. I knew he was driving yesterday so I tried to call and send another message this morning just asking if he was okay and if he could just let me know he arrived to his destination alright.

Maybe I’m overthinking all of this but I have a sneaking suspicious he’s trying to disappear from me again. I’m hurt that it seems he’s stopped caring and stopped talking to me- especially after this major thing we just experienced together. I just wanted him to be there and support me through this and he WAS for the first bit and now I don’t know what the heck is going on.

I feel like I’ve been through enough this week without having to worry about my relationship falling apart (again). Again, he could just be busy on vacation and driving and stuff and that’s why I haven’t heard anything but...I don’t know. My intuition is telling me otherwise.

Maybe he’s just dealing with his own feelings. I wish we could lean on each other when things like this happened instead of always pushing away.

Thanks for listening. I feel a little better just having written all that out.

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[Vincenta]

Dear Paperinkart,

So sorry to hear this.   
How are you feeling now?

Vincenta

Ps Many pBPDs are so busy with their own ever changing feelings and emotions that there is very little room or consideration for others...
So as a non, unfortunately one should keep the expectation level very low, when it comes to empathy.
Like my therapist once said: you cannot expect a person with a broken leg to run a marathon.

[Vincenta]

And Paperinkart,
do you have friends or family you could turn to?
Miscarriage is a traumatic experience itself.

In addition, did you visit your doctor?
A med check is definitely needed, in order to avoid any possible infections etc.

Big hug