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Author Topic: Lost in a 6 year relashionship  (Read 481 times)
Ms2002

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« on: September 22, 2020, 06:42:11 AM »

Hi, first I'm sorry if my english is weird but this is not my firt language. I'm a 28 Y/O male, I've met my GF about 6 years ago. 3 years ago, she was diagnosticated with Bpd. The first 3 years of our relashionship were really great, she was and still is very lovely, she takes good care of me and she really makes me feel loved. We're bestfriends, sex is really good, she's funny etc.. Things started to be weird after these 3 years, one afternoon after work, she just left me, with no visible emotions, no regrets, she was just an other person. 2 weeks later, she started regretting and we went back together. A year later exactly, she did the same, she left me for no obvious reason, a few days later, she tried to comite suicide, I was at work and she sent me some very worrying texts, I went back to our place and she was almost dead, it was the most horrible day of my life... Then, she stayed in hospital a couple of days and was diagnosticated with bpd. It was no surprise for me, I searched online for days when she left me. and everything I read was exactly how she was acting. Her parents are really nice people but they don't get the importance of bpd and don't give her enough support. Since, it's a little bit better but the therapy seems to not work, her ex therapist told her she could take cocaine, it was ok, WTF !!. I feel like she's evolving by herself not because of therapy. She stopped drugs, cigarets and alcohool. It's been 3-4 days that I feel like she's not ok. Indeed, I think she's in crise. Her job is really hard and her boss gives her no break. She told me she need some space. She said me I love you, etc, but she need some space.. So I left her. But the next I was blocked. I send her a mail to get help, it's already been 3 days, it's the fifth time that happened.

Sometime, I feel depressed, even if she's the one I love, I feel useless and lost. I don't think she's taking her new therapy seriously, we have the chance to have a therapy center 30 minutes from were we live specialised in bpd, she never went.. She says she's tired to share her story again. I begged her to go to that center, she says she will... I'm really sorry, not for me but for her, I hope she'll find a way to be happy, we're happy 360 days a year, but these few days are really hard to take. To be honnest, sometimes I forgot she has bpd and I feel she forgets too. There's no question on this thread, I'm just by my self, nobody to talk about it, I don't think people who never been in this spot can understand the way I feel. Sharing feels good sometimes. I have a lot of hope, I hope she'll feels better, hope the new therapy will work, I hope we will get back together.
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Ms2002

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« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2020, 05:29:36 AM »

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Hi,

Sorry for the double post. I went to see her yersterday, she was surprised and I think she was happy. We talk about the fact she didn't reach to me like she said she was. She told me she's in love with me and misses me but she needs to stay alone a bit. We had a argument for a stupid thing, she went in full rage mode, insulted me but calmed down immediatly. Then we huged and she even gave me a kiss. She promesses me she'll send me a text or mail today. She was smiling for the entire time exept when she asks me, what if it likes that for the rest of our lives ? I responded with a good therapy, things would be better.

When I got back home, I check a online forum where she posts and she tells, a few minutes after I left that I am a control freak, I'm so insecure I don't let her going to the gym. The whole post was about me being a bad person to her. Last week she made me feels like I was the best person she ever had. She also told me that a lot, how in love she was etc..

I am very lost, I am a human being, I know I have my fault, sometimes I don't know how to react, I don't know how to be a better person and help her the best way I can, but I always tried to do my best for her. And in fact, she's the one that kinda stoped me going to the gym but I don't really care.

I read a lot about bpd since a few months now, she can't sleep right now and she starts working really early in the morning. She only has a few hours to sleep, probably beetwen 4 to 5 hours. I'm worried about her.. I'm worry about her leaving me for good.

I miss our relationship, our comlicity, the way we talk to each other..

I really need help. Please.
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JNChell
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« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2020, 06:03:02 PM »

Ms2002, this is a tough place to be. How does it feel to be told that you’re loved, only to be emotionally abused moments later?
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Ms2002

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« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2020, 06:35:07 PM »

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Hey thanks for the reply. I'm really alone right now, it's really dark in my mind and I don't have anybody to talk to, so seeing someone reading and replying makes me feel like I'm not alone..

I feel miserable, stupid, I don't reconise the girl i was 6 years with. I don't understand and I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. A week ago she told me everything was fine. We were talking mariage, this summer we went on holidays 2 times, 2 weeks ago we had an amazing weekend at the beach. I cannot process this is really over.

I was waiting for a text or a mail from her, all day. It never comes. It's like she already moved on.
I probably misunderstood her atitude yesterday. She was happy,  with or without me.
It almost scares me the way I miss her. This is not our first breakup but I always forget how hard it is. Her parents told me she will come back, like always but I feel like this one is for good.
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JNChell
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« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2020, 07:01:43 PM »

Ms2002. Stop beating yourself up. I’m here for you. How are you feeling right now? This is where we start texting jokes to one another. How are things with you?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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JNChell
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« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2020, 07:05:07 PM »

I’m sorry to double post, but I was that dude. I still am at times. I just don’t want to wake up. I’d like to talk with you about that if you’re okay with it.
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JNChell
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« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2020, 07:15:07 PM »

This girl has your mind in a spiral. Your cortisol levels have your body feeling very bad.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Ms2002

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« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2020, 05:02:29 AM »

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This is still really bad, I'm always crying, I'm dreaming of her, I'm ALWAYS thinking about her, what is she doing ? Does she think about me ? Does she love me ? I'm waiting for a text but it's seems impossible now. it'll never come. It's already been a week. I guess she's just with someone else or better without me. That's a terrible things. A couple days ago, she was so sure about me. I want to see her and have my cool old life back. It's really frustrating the way she treats me. All I need is an explication of.. Why ?

The first 2 breakup were 2 weeks, the last 2, less than a week. Always at the same period. She's diagosticed but not treated. She's not taking it seriously. When she brokes up with me, she's always saying the same things and I respond exactly the same things to, I try to explain you can't take a big decision like that in a couple minutes. Except this time, she didn't tell me she doesn't love me anymore. I am so lost in my mind, I'm heartboken. How can someone tells you you're everything for her then dump him, block him and act like he never existed.

I'm really tired of this life. Or maybe I'm just tired of life itself.
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JNChell
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« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2020, 12:48:03 PM »

I understand. You’re in a tough place emotionally. These feelings are very acute at first, but it will gradually subside. It takes time, my friend. Can you try to slow your mind down a little bit? It will help you. Big deep breaths, nice and slow and then a tall glass of water.

I will be up front with you and tell you that an explanation or closure won’t happen. It’s very typical with people that have severe personality issues. Try to embrace the fact that it’s not about you. Look at this way. If you were involved with a nice woman, but eventually you decided that it wasn’t working out for you, as hard as it is, you would tell that person why. That’s the respectable thing to do. The folks that we discuss here have very limited or if any respect for anyone. Please, don’t take it personally.

. A couple days ago, she was so sure about me. I want to see her and have my cool old life back. It's really frustrating the way she treats me. All I need is an explication of.. Why ?

The first 2 breakup were 2 weeks, the last 2, less than a week.

As the dynamics progress, what you have described happens faster and faster each time. Trust me, I’m living proof along with many members here. Brother, if she is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, there is nothing that you can do for her. Most trained and educated clinicians don’t know how to treat the disorder.

Ok, stop with the silly talk. Maybe it’s best for you to vent here. Poor out your memories, your hopes and your ambitions for her. That’s an important thing to do. Do we have a deal?
« Last Edit: September 26, 2020, 12:54:49 PM by JNChell » Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Ms2002

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« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2020, 01:37:21 PM »

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Thanks for the kind words, in this hard time, I really happreciate any form of kindness, it means a lot for me.

I know I won't have any explanations.. It's really hard to forget 6 years. It's so weird because we have so many memories together. And so much plans for the futur. A few days ago, she told me without me she'll end up prostituing herself or taking drugs on the streets. She felt empty and was a chameleon. Her parents are very worry too. Her mom sent me a text a few minutes ago, she said she's not going out the house. She was a big party girl with a slight addiction to alcohool.

I hoped she could fight it, because she wanted a regular life. Something I should mension, she was my first GF ever and my first love.
I realise her crises happened more since she was diagnosticed. Every 3 to 6 monts..
But I know if she ever comes back, I'll fall for it.

I really try to do my best to think about something else but it's really hard. I took my motorbike in the afternoon, just to enjoy the ride. I ended up in front of her house. I didn't knock on the door. I feel like a s#itty person. My family isn't supportive at all and I don't have any friends anymore because of our relation (It's my fault, not hers)

I can't forgot the way she looked in my eyes Thursday when she said "But what if it's like that for the reste of our lives?" It makes me think she realises something is wrong..

Again, during these tough times, I'm glad I found this forum.
Thank you for your time.
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JNChell
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« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2020, 02:18:15 PM »

The motorcycle rides are good. Don’t ride by her place. A lot of this healing is “forced thinking”. I say get lost on your motorcycle. Find some new scenery or a route that is fun and not routine. The time on your bike is your time.

6 years is a long time. It’s very hard when it abruptly ends with no closure. Man, I’m really sorry that you are going through this experience. At the end of the day, some people are not equipped to give a piece of mind to their partner. I wish that I had good advice that would help you calm down and feel peace for a while. I don’t.

My only advice is that if she tries to come back, you say no. If you don’t do that, the way that you’re feeling now will be multiplied by several digits. Don’t do it!!!
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Ms2002

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« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2020, 12:07:16 PM »

Thanks for the response.

After 5 days, I sent her an email. Still no response. I got it very hard. Lost my job because of covid. At 28, I'm basicaly alone, no job. Funny, I started my compagny when I met her. Now I'm back in my teenager room. I start to realise that my life is full of failures. I never succeed in anything.

Her mom told me she thinks she misses me but she doesn't tell me. I'm very lost. I have a hole in my heart and she doesn't care.
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JNChell
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« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2020, 01:47:10 PM »

This stuff is very hard to navigate. Your feelings are still pretty fresh from the breakup, and losing your job due to Covid-19 is an even bigger obstacle. As cliche as it may sound, hang in there, it will get better. So many of the members here understand how it feels to experience the acute feelings of this kind of heartbreak and how the magnitude of those feelings can affect our day to day life. It is hard stuff and you are a trooper for pushing your way through it and processing it here. You should pat yourself on the back for that.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

It sounds like you’re being very hard on yourself. I bet that you’re not a failure. Perhaps some bad things have happened to you aside from the end of your relationship. That’s simply an assumption. But, maybe you’re resilient and have been overcoming obstacles for a while now. You have the agency to start your own business. Do you realize how small the percentage is of people that are able to achieve that? Covid-19 kicked everyone in the teeth. So you’re back in your old bedroom. So be it. What better place to regroup your thoughts and ideas moving forward?

I’m curious, what does success look like for you? How does success align with your values and virtues? I ask this for two reasons. One is because I’m genuinely interested in your story and concerned about how you are doing because I’ve been in your shoes, the other is because I’m still working on myself and trying to achieve an existence that is lived through my own values and virtues.

You know, we all go about these situations in our own way. I have made a lot of mistakes at the back end of my relationship with S5’s mom. I understand that you’re hurting badly. Maybe it might help you if you give yourself some space for a while from the whole thing so you can hash things out for yourself. Detaching is a hard process. There is no right way to rip off the bandaid. It might also be a good idea to cut off contact with her mom.

I’ll be 44 next month. As a 28 year old, young man, you have a lot of life ahead of you. You can start another business if you’d like to. You’re at a prime age as far as the dating pool goes (there are plenty of women out there). Don’t let this bad experience jade you from living the life that you envision for yourself. Take it as a life lesson and grow from it. Stay connected with this community and to people that you trust. It’s just gonna take a little time, man. Be patient and heal. You’re going to be just fine.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2020, 01:54:00 PM by JNChell » Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Ms2002

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« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2020, 11:30:49 AM »

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Thanks for the response, this is a real hard place to be right now...
I feel like I'm loosing everything. I don't know if it's normal but I can't stop crying. I never cried like that and I don't usually cry. This is a never ending cycle of high and low emotions. This is the worst I've ever felt..

She sent me a mail, basicaly saying she's sorry, she spent the best 6 years of her life, she was happy etc. She said I helped her to be a better person and don't want to think where she would be now without me.

She says, imaging me with an other girl destroys her heart but she needs to stay alone, she feels good this way, she want to leave the region where we live to start all again. She don't know why she feels this way, she don't understand why.

She hopes I will forget her because I deserv better. I will always be the man that loved her the most. she called herself an "social and mental handicaped"

She did not respond about her feelings and I explicitly ask her to told me if she doesn't love me anymore.
Everything in her acts is indicating a crisis. On the past week, she had 7 of 8 symptoms of a crise.

I don't know what to think, she's not gowing to therapy and it feels worst day by day.
Can someone explains me if wanting to be  alone is a common phase or symptom of crisis ?
In 6 years of relationship, she always had the need to know how much I loved her, even the day before the breakup. And she never expressed the need to be alone. NEVER ! In our lasts beakups, she had to be with someone because she can stands lonelyness. She was going out, in pubs etc. Now she barely goes out, only to go to work and that's it.
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JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3519



« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2020, 05:15:35 PM »

I’ll translate the message from your ex if you’d like me to. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Her response is a run of the mill. A “Dear John” message.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Ms2002

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Relationship status: Brokenup
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« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2020, 04:07:24 AM »

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Hi, I saw a therapist yesterday, she's specialized in bpd..
She told me all the "I need to be alone is bs" and she's in crise and will probably regret it later. She was triggered by something incignifient for me..
I don't know if she met someone or not, that's not a possibility I want to think right now.
Life is still too tough for me.. I can't stop criying. I really miss her.
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JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3519



« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2020, 03:35:10 PM »

Therapy is a very personal thing. This community is anonymous. Can you explain a little further in detail about what was talked about in your therapy session?

Try to stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. If you can describe what happened in your therapy session, we’ll know more and we’ll be able to help you further.

Life is not too tough you. Let’s try to get on the level and have conversation that doesn’t have you in panic mode. I understand that mode because I’ve been there. So many members here have been there. The goal here is to help you to calm down. That’s very important. How do we make that happen?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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« Reply #17 on: October 06, 2020, 10:58:38 PM »

if you are trying to recover/reconcile the relationship, it would be a good idea to post on the Bettering board. this (Detaching) is a board for members who are committed to leaving the relationship and deep into the stages of grief, and the advice and support you get will revolve around that.

it will also help to reach out to others in similar situations...it will help build up your support system.
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Ms2002

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« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2020, 11:05:34 AM »

Hi,

I didn’t feel great when I was out the session with the therapist,, I was there purely to know more about the disorder. Like a lot of us, I think I started to search lot of informations. One thing really didn’t help was her saying my exbpd would come back, it was a fact. I live in France and things are a little different from the us I guess. I will try, after le lockdown to see a doctor.


A little update on my case. I did not contacted her for roughly a month. Everyday was a struggle, everyday I was hoping for a mail, a text, a call whatever.. I did not happened. I did what I shouldn’t do, I went online to find her Facebook, instagram etc. I also find out 2 weeks after our breakup, she rented a place for 9 days with a guy she met at work, she probably started seeing him when we were together. 10 days later, she dumped him, her mom sent me a text saying my exbpd started to  realiaze she messed up and she will talk about me to her, 2 days later, she said she doesn’t understood her, one day everything is white, the next day everything is black. She didn’t work for almost 4 weeks. 1 week right after our breakup, 10 days of holidays and 2 weeks where she was supposedly sick. I know everything from her mom who sometimes send me a text. Her social media is just full of lowlife, gangsta wannabe, poor people, junkies.. She’s apparently in a relationship with a guy, I don’t even what to think, this guy has everything she hated, lot of girlfriend, he’s following a lot of sexy models on Instagram etc. When we were watching movies together, if I didn’t cover my eyes if a naked girl appeared, she would scream on me and gave me the silent treatment for probably a couple of days. Needless to say she was against social media. Nothing makes sens, I’m lost and I feel worse.


I tried to reach out to her, she blocked me, she’s giving me the hardcore silent treatment, she’s not missing me, she’s not missing our complicity, she’s not missing my sens of humor, she’s not missing my hugs. I really miss her, really bad.

My parents don’t get the all borderline thing and they are mad at me because I’m down. I really feel lonely, misunderstood, unloved. Just a piece of PLEASE READ. At 28, it feels like my life is already behind me, everything is blurry. Sad.
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Ms2002

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« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2020, 12:13:41 PM »

Sorry for the double post, she responded back. Basically telling me to stop sending her messages.
Her life if really great, she's not doing anything wrong, she's working and having a good life without me. And she won't give me the poem, of course.

I'm numb.
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Ms2002

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« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2020, 01:54:27 PM »

Hi, first I'm sorry if my english is weird but this is not my firt language. I'm a 28 Y/O male, I've met my GF about 6 years ago. 3 years ago, she was diagnosticated with Bpd. The first 3 years of our relashionship were really great, she was and still is very lovely, she takes good care of me and she really makes me feel loved. We're bestfriends, sex is really good, she's funny etc.. Things started to be weird after these 3 years, one afternoon after work, she just left me, with no visible emotions, no regrets, she was just an other person. 2 weeks later, she started regretting and we went back together. A year later exactly, she did the same, she left me for no obvious reason, a few days later, she tried to comite suicide, I was at work and she sent me some very worrying texts, I went back to our place and she was almost dead, it was the most horrible day of my life... Then, she stayed in hospital a couple of days and was diagnosticated with bpd. It was no surprise for me, I searched online for days when she left me. and everything I read was exactly how she was acting. Her parents are really nice people but they don't get the importance of bpd and don't give her enough support. Since, it's a little bit better but the therapy seems to not work, her ex therapist told her she could take cocaine, it was ok, WTF !!. I feel like she's evolving by herself not because of therapy. She stopped drugs, cigarets and alcohool. It's been 3-4 days that I feel like she's not ok. Indeed, I think she's in crise. Her job is really hard and her boss gives her no break. She told me she need some space. She said me I love you, etc, but she need some space.. So I left her. But the next I was blocked. I send her a mail to get help, it's already been 3 days, it's the fifth time that happened.

Sometime, I feel depressed, even if she's the one I love, I feel useless and lost. I don't think she's taking her new therapy seriously, we have the chance to have a therapy center 30 minutes from were we live specialised in bpd, she never went.. She says she's tired to share her story again. I begged her to go to that center, she says she will... I'm really sorry, not for me but for her, I hope she'll find a way to be happy, we're happy 360 days a year, but these few days are really hard to take. To be honnest, sometimes I forgot she has bpd and I feel she forgets too. There's no question on this thread, I'm just by my self, nobody to talk about it, I don't think people who never been in this spot can understand the way I feel. Sharing feels good sometimes. I have a lot of hope, I hope she'll feels better, hope the new therapy will work, I hope we will get back together.
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« Reply #21 on: November 12, 2020, 05:30:05 AM »

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drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
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Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
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lovenature
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lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
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narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
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WhatJustHappened?
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Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

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